new romantics - taylor swift and travis kelce

back to you

-Taylors Pov-

The VMAs were fun, but events like that get exhausting with time. I did however dance the night away with a drink in my hand and took home a few awards. I'm always a good sport at these events, cheering for whoever is performing. When I'm up there myself I hate it when the crowd is silent, it's awkward, so I try to be the ringleader who makes the crowd excited in hopes that someone will do the same for me.

"I got a sugary drink" Thea giggles from her seat on the jet. She got a Frappuccino on the way here, a chocolate chip Frappuccino without coffee. One thing is getting her high on sugar, I don't need caffeine in her on top of it. there might be a little in it, but I don't add coffee for her when I order it. anyway, she doesn't get those drinks often, as I don't see the need to get her high on sugar on the regular, but since we are flying this morning, I made an exception.

"you did. But remember to drink it slowly so you don't get the sugar high" I tell her, and she nods dutifully, even though I know she won't actually follow it. the girl loves it when she gets something she considers "special" especially snacks or drinks. For the most part, I try to eat healthy and have her eat healthy too, but I can't restrict foods.

In the past, I struggled with an eating disorder, and there are some triggers I can't let myself engage with. Restricting is one of them. Everything in moderation, but mostly healthy foods, that's the guidelines I follow. Sometimes it's still hard, I'm not completely healed, but I'm doing much better. Getting pregnant with Thea saved me, it made me seek out help and get on track so she would be healthy. And then after she was born, I wanted to model good eating habits to her, so I kept up with eating enough. After a while, it became a habit, and I try to push the toxic thoughts away.

It's hard to push them away when we live in a society where starving yourself is seen as the most logical thing to do. especially in the industry I am in. Being thin is seen as a synonym for being successful, and it's really hard to block that out, especially when you're new. There is a reason why so many people in the performance profession struggle with food, weight, and self-image. We are put on a pedestal with unattainable expectations that we never will really meet. Because it's never good enough, you're never thin enough, you're never fit enough. Society will always find what's wrong with you, in their eyes, and now I know that. now I can see the toxic culture and not feed into it. not only for my own sanity but for my daughter's sake. I don't want her to feed off my disordered behaviors and values, I don't want that for her. I want her to have a healthy relationship with food, her body, and how she sees herself. If I can't model that for her, how can I expect her to learn?

"are we going to see Travis now?" Thea asks, dragging me out of my internal rant. "yes, we are, we are flying to Kansas City now" I tell her.

This visit is going to be intense since I'm watching a football game this time. the season is in full swing, and I didn't feel like turning Travis down on his offer to come to see him rock the stadium. It's going to be a soft launch; I know it will be seen like that. people are going to be talking about what I'm doing there, and who I'm there to see, to support. It won't take them long to figure out it's Travis, it's his box I'm going to be in, and he is the one who publicly went out and told everyone about the friendship bracelet. It's going to be obvious that I'm there for him, but that's okay.

I don't mind people knowing, but I don't want to comment on what's going on to the public. They can think whatever they want, but that doesn't mean I need to make any kind of announcement. For now, we are keeping our.... Whatever this is... on the DL. I'm not going to be in a secret relationship ever again, but I still need some level of privacy. It's going to be a balancing act between living my life and protecting my private life. I don't want us to hide away under umbrellas and back corners of restaurants, but I don't feel the need to give the public a lengthy explanation of what's going on either. It's about finding a balance somewhere between them.