Mia and Her Alpha

Chapter 19-You Need To Let Go

Are you okay?!?" He asked me in concern.

"Yes...why wouldn't I be?" I said slowly.

"You were whispering that you didn't kill someone. You looked like you were about to break down in tears."

"Well, I'm fine." I shot back angrily.

Just the thought of that dream pained me. I felt like Lucas was expecting me to tell him what it was about, but I can't. I won't.

"What was your nightmare about? Jackson?" He concluded.

"Please stop!"

It was about Jackson, but I was afraid if I told him then he wouldn't let me do anything alone again. I just want to be alone right now as I figure some things out.

"Mia? What's wrong?" He began to sound more concerned.

"Stop suffocating me!" I blurted out without thinking.

I wish I could take that back. Lucas looked taken back by my words. We both weren't expecting this to happen. Especially considering what we did last night. Lucas' eyes reached mine. He looked full of pain. He carefully got up and left the room. I felt terrible for what I said, but it was the truth.

I grabbed the pillow that was next to me and placed it in front of my face. I began screaming into it. It felt good to scream, but I knew it wouldn't fix things. I'm so sick of Jackson ruining everything. Ruining me. I yanked myself out of the bed to get ready so that I can fix things with Lucas before anything gets worse.

After my shower, I got changed into light wash jeans, a white blouse, a gray sweater, and, of course, my white glittery flats. I searched the alpha house, courtyard, and every store searching for Lucas with no luck. Where could he be?

I decided to see if Tyler knew and besides I was going to visit Tyler anyways today. I still felt responsible for his pain.

As I made my way down the path towards the hospital, I continued to look for Lucas. I got up on my tiptoes a few times in an attempt to see over people's heads. At one point I thought I saw him. I ran over to him only to find out I had discovered a complete stranger. It was very awkward trying to explain to him why I had run over to him. He looked at me with a smile and continued on with his day. This search was useless.

I finally arrived at Tyler's room after climbing five flights of stairs. They put Tyler in a private wing. I also asked the receptionist for Nora's room, but she was released this morning. I walked in only to find Tyler reading a book while eating potato chips.

"Should you really be eating potato chips?" I giggled.

"Why yes. Yes, I should. The hospital food they tried serving me is crap." He joked back. There is no surprise that hospital food sucked.

"How are you doing? I mean with everything."

"Besides the fact that I'm forced to eat terrible food, I'm doing great. Enough about me. What happened with Lucas and you? I mean seriously. One moment you're in love and the next you despise each other. I can never keep track."

Tyler was right. One minute we love each other and the next, we don't. It seems to always crash and burn when we are not on the same page of things.

"I don't know Tyler. I don't know. It just seems like Jackson is the root of the problem."

"Mia, I'm going to be very frank with you. Jackson is a problem, but he isn't the big issue. You are. You still haven't let go of your old life. That life is dragging you down and is taking what you have with Lucas down with you. The only way for your new life to work is for you to let go."

Tyler was right. He is always right. I am the problem causing a million other problems.

"Thank you. Do you know where I can find Lucas? I need to talk to him." I replied in determination.

"He told me not to tell you. But Mia. You know where he is."

I gave Tyler a faint smile. I don't know where he is. That's why I asked him. I created a map in my head checking off everywhere I searched. Then it hit me. I know where Lucas is.

"Thank you!" I said as I bolted out of the room.

"Oh, Mia!" Tyler called. I went back into the room. "I suggest you take a horse," He said as he looked down at my shoes. I couldn't hike in flats. "I almost forgot. You better hurry."

"Why?" I asked confused. "For the paint war of course." I had no clue what the paint war was, but it had no time to question it.

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After about thirty minutes, I found Lucas sitting on a rock staring at the waterfall where we had our first date. I jumped off the horse and began walking to him.

"Can I sit?" I questioned.

Lucas gave a nod and I began to sit down. We both didn't make eye contact. We stared straight ahead at the lake. There was a lot more tension here than last time.

"I'm sorry." We both said at the same time.

"Please don't be sorry. I'm sorry that I suffocated you." Lucas began to say.

"Stop speaking," I whispered as I placed a finger on his lips to make him be quiet.

"You're the one who shouldn't be sorry. I should. It's just that, I'm struggling to try to find my place here. I'm still attached to my old life and I can't find a way to let go. And then with what Jackson said to me last night..." I began to explain.

"What did Jackson say?" Lucas asked cutting my sentence off.

Tears began to trickle out of my eyes once again. Lucas pulled me to his chest.

"Jackson said the truth. I can't win. I'm so sick of trying to act strong. Trying to put on a brave face when I'm lying to everyone including myself. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep pretending like everything is okay when it's not." I sobbed.

"It okay Mia. I don't want you to keep pretending. Please just talk to me. I'm here to listen." Lucas spoke reassuring me.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"For what?" He smiled.

"Being mine."

Lucas then kissed me on my cheek. His kiss radiated heat through my body.

"Lucas, what's a paint war?" I asked innocently.

Lucas lifted me from his chest and stared at me in disbelief. "You've never heard of a paint war before?" I nodded my head no at his question. "A paint war is basically when you through the paint at people. Except we do it after every ball to ruin all the dresses and suits."

"Are you serious?!"

"Despite our reputation, we know how to have fun. Do you want to join?" He smiled. I nodded my head until my expression turned sad. "What's wrong?"

"I don't exactly have a dress. Remember?" Lucas laughed at my question.

"You can join wearing what you are now. Not everyone decides to wear their dresses to it. Anyway, we best get going now."

We both got up from the rock. Lucas walked towards the path while I walked towards the horse I brought.

"Lucas?" I said as I signaled the horse.

"Right." He laughed as he walked back towards me.