A dragon, a dwarf and an elf walk into a bar...
But only because that bar is on their way to tracking down the lost heir in a last-ditch quest to save the kingdom from a very long list of very bad things. And also, quite possibly, because the more o...
"Ah." Expression guilty, the Nanny regarded the incriminatory crockery. "Yes. It would seem you've caught me out, Farty. I'm afraid you've discovered my secret."
"I knew it!" exclaimed the aristocrat, pumping his fist. "I knew you were up to something, you wetched woman. It's a conspiwacy, isn't it? A plot to wemove me from my wightful position at the head of the High Council? I knew it must be something like that. Guards, wemove this woman. Take her to the dungeons!"
"Oh, Farty. What a load of old tosh. You always were one for a fanciful tale. Those brutes of yours will stay right where they are, if they know what's good for them."
"But...but..." stammered Hirschnopple, face reddening in rage, "I discovered your secwet. You admitted as much!"
"Yes, Farty. I did, didn't I? And the secret is that I love my tea—only a little too much." She held up her cup. "After all, as you've pointed out—with a frightful lack of tact, I must say—this is my fourth. Shameful, isn't it?" Leaning forward, her expression grew conspiratorial. "Don't tell anyone, will you?"
"I...but...you..."
"Enunciate, Farty. As I told you when you were a little fellow, you must e-nun-ci-ate. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm afraid all that tea necessitates a visit to the little nanny's room. Ta-ta."
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Slash couldn't help but feel that secret doors opening onto hidden passageways really should lead to somewhere more exciting than musty old parlours badly in need of a good dusting. But if his military career had taught him one thing, it was that the stuff you expected to be exciting very often turned out to be anything but. The trouble with excitement was, it tended to come along just when you weren't expecting it.
Still, at least the armchairs were comfortable. And, fortunately—given Hobe's tuneless humming and Carri's restless roaming of the room—they didn't have long to wait before the sound of a key in the door heralded the Nanny rejoining them.
"Sorry about that," she said, taking an armchair for herself with a tired sigh. "Needless to say, the high and not-so-mighty Lord Hirschnopple does not share my desire to see Vazor's return. While I've tried to conceal Squelon's issues as much as I'm able, the High Council knows all too well he's not fit to rule, and most of them think that's just dandy, provided it means they get to stay in charge. And if the High Council stay in charge, it's Farty who means to be in charge of them. Mark my words, if he gets wind of your quest, he will do everything in his power to stop you. And despite all the bluster and buffoonery, that man has a ruthless streak a league wide."
"Our quest?" queried Carri. "That's a bit presumptuous, isn't it? We haven't even agreed to go."
"No," said the Nanny, looking at each of them in turn. "But you're going to, aren't you?"
Carri held her gaze for a moment—and then lowered her eyes. "Well, yeah."
"Sign me up, too" said Hobe. "If I'm cracking skulls anyway, it might as well be for the good of Irmway."
"And me," added Slash. "Seems like the right thing to do." He was a little surprised to find he meant it. His spirit of duty—the fire in the belly that had driven a fourteen-year old kid to leave the comforts of home and family behind in order to take up a sword in service to the realm—had long since been worn down by the failed campaigns and inept leadership of recent years, and the sense of a kingdom crumbling at the edges. It came as something of a relief to find at least a vestige still burned on.
The Nanny gave a decisive clap of her hands. "Excellent. Now"— she retrieved a jingling bag from within her robes—"this should be ample to get you a decent riverboat down at the docks, with plenty left over to cover your expenses. I wish you all the best of luck."
The others stared at her.
"Surely you don't expect us to go straight away?" asked Carri. "I have to pack. I have cases and clients to attend to. I need to prepare."
"And I have a shift every night this week," added Hobe. "They've got a couple of new girls fresh in from the Sky Reaches, so things have been a mite rowdy. It's been all hands on deck."
"And I'll need to request leave," said Slash. "I'm a professional soldier. I can't just take off on a whim."
"No," said the Nanny, shaking her head. "Oh, no, no, no. Out of the question. While I may have thrown Farty off the scent for the moment, he's not stupid. I mean, he is a fool, but he is not stupid. It won't take him long to put two and two together and come up with Vazor. If you're to have any chance of succeeding in your quest, you must go. You must go, now."
