Heart on Fire | Noah Sebastian

Chapter 29

*Belle's POV*

My heart slowly sank as Toby drove me away. I sat silent in the car, staring out at the neon lights that consumed night time San Diego. I could smell the nighttime air, but it didn't compare. I missed Noah's scent. The seat belt holding didn't compare to his arms holding me. Everything was wild. I was so deeply in love, then I was scared, then I became protective and soon somewhat heart broken. That's the thing, I'm only somewhat heart broken. More disappointed really, if that. I can't describe it, but I can empathise. I've been through it.

"So who was she?" Toby asked in the thick silent air.

My head laid in the window and the air flickered in my hair. The cold always bothered me until now. I turned to face him. "Remember that person, 'Ally' who kept calling our station and we had Rob from BPD trace her call? The one that came back with charges of stalking and intimidation and a few domestic violence related offences. Turns out that's Noah's ex-girlfriend" I explained in a soft sad tone. "She was stalking Noah and me, found out I wasn't around and then took advantage of him".

Toby sighed and took a moment, "So like what Matthew did to you?" I mumbled a 'hmm' in response. I didn't want to think about that. Neither of us did. Our conversation ended there.

"You should have seen his face Toby, he was so scared of her" I spoke my thoughts out loud as I let a tear fall down my cheek at the thought. I could still feel his hands holding my body behind his in an attempt to protect me from her, but it was ultimately I who protected him. And I would do it again.

Sure I was worried in the beginning, but when Jolly said it was his vicious ex girlfriend and they all came to Noah's defence, I knew she wasn't a real threat. I knew that she was a narcissist and she held no power. I felt Noah's body stiffen as he was frightened by her words. And his eyes as they looked into mine, and how his hands gripped mine so tightly when he tried to tell me they'd been sleeping together and failed, I knew this was a one sided thing. I could see the tears in his eyes as they looked into mine. I knew he was being manipulated. I've seen terror, I've been terrified, but nothing compares to seeing Noah terrified.

I think that's what broke my heart the most.

But then I left him.

Toby pulled into the parking lot of the hotel but didn't get out. He locked the passenger door and stopped me from getting out also. "You really love him Belle" he said as he looked at me intently.

I gave him a confused look in response when I couldn't get out.. "Are you asking me or telling me?"

"I'm telling you Belle. I've seen you in love, well at least I thought I had until now. You smile every time you hear or say his name. He distracts your thoughts at work. You had me up at 5am this morning just so you could surprise him. He's changed you, for the better. You love him Belle" Toby monologues to me. "Have you even told him that?"

I attempted to avoid Toby's eyes and words but there's only so many places to escape when you're locked in a car. "No..." I shyly admitted. Toby rebutted immediately, commenting that we had been dating for 8 or 9 months now and I should have told him by now. "I was scared. I didn't want to admit it to myself, you know how I feel about these things... but I think I do love him".

I felt butterflies consume my insides and goosebumps cover my skin. I said it outloud. I cemented it in the air and within myself. I was scared to admit it to myself, to Noah and to those around me, but I felt as though the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders the moment I said it. However, it was promptly replaced with the weight of all the planets combined. I hadn't admitted it to Noah. I haven't told him. He's already told me so many times.