You're Already Mine

Chapter Twenty-Two

TW: mentions of death, ED, implied SH

"We talked about it a little bit early this morning," I tell Sernie over a video call. "I also talked about the situation with Ms. Kendra."

His eyebrows scrunch down in confusion. "Ms. Kendra?"

"The counselor staying at our cabin," I clarify, leaning back on the deck chair.

"Ah," he says, nodding. "How did Clover react?"

"She was just mildly surprised, I think. Maybe a little sad."

"Well, I'm glad you talked about it. And remember, I'm always here if you need me."

I smile. "Thanks." I let out a breath. "Can I say hi to Cedar?"

"Of course," he says with a grin, shuffling around. I hear the jingling of dog tags and then Cedar's beautiful brown face is in front of the camera. He licks the camera several times.

"Hi, Cedar!" I say excitedly, a few tears running down my face. I'm immediately reminded of Wishbone and Summer, my first dogs, both of whom died of sickness a few weeks before we got Spruce.

Sernie has turned the camera back to himself. "Are you okay?"

Just the softness of his voice makes me cry harder.

"Shit. Um.."

"I'm fine," I say, rubbing my hands fiercely across my eyes.

"I'm here."

"How is Cedar still alive? I mean.."

"Oh. I didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

He sighs. "A few weeks ago, he was diagnosed with cancer. He may have only another year left."

"I'm so sorry.."

"It's okay. It's not your fault. I guess he's just been a healthy dog." He looks down at Cedar, whose nose I can see in the corner of the camera.

I inhale the night air and look around, taking in the view of the forest. There's a trail leading up to the front porches of our cabin and a few others. I wonder how Clover is doing. I wipe my palm fiercely across my eyes, batting away the tears that come with the thought of her.

"What's up?" Sernie asks.

"I'm just worried. About Clover. I mean, Ms. Kendra already offered to help me look after her as well, and Lucas is, too, but I'm just worried."

He nods, but the connection is grainy. "I think that it's natural and completely normal to be worried about the people we love, no matter if they say they're fine or not. Fine is just a way of saying Please leave me alone, I don't want you to worry about me, or anything along those lines. Even if the person is always chatty and cheerful, everyone's going through something."

"I agree. I never even thought of that."

"My brother, Mars, has a similar problem. Ever since he came out to me as trans, he's been wearing baggy hoodies with long sleeves in the summer and refusing to take them off. I don't push it, because I know he's going through something, even though he never talks about it."

"How old is he now?" I ask.

"He turned twelve last week."

"Ah. Tell him I said happy belated birthday."

Sernie smiles. "I will." Then his expression changes as he gets back to his story. "Anyway, it's been, like, up in the eighties and nineties, but he refuses to take off his hoodie. I only realized this morning that he hasn't been eating well, either."

"I'm sorry.."

"It's okay. My point is, I understand where you're coming from. I really care about him, even though he's been really moody and secretive toward me recently. I still love him, because he's my brother."

"I would love him too."

"Yeah, you would. I know you would."

I give a sad little smile.

Friday comes, and Clover doesn't eat anything at lunch.

The rest of our cabin mates and our new friends are spread out on a large quilt, and Ms. Kendra is with the other counselors.

"My turn," Lucas says. "Would you rather only read books or only listen to music?"

"Dang, I can't do both?" Jason asks.

"I mean, I guess.."

"I choose both, then. My turn. Would you rather have twenty cats for the rest of your life, or have a cat and a dog?"

"A cat and a dog," I say immediately.

Lucas points at me. "Same."

I smile, but then I notice that Clover has barely touched her plate, which has only a small serving of shell pasta in white cheddar sauce. I lean over to her. "Are you okay?" I whisper.

She shakes her head, nods, and then shakes her head again. She's picking at her brittle nails and luckily Lucas is the only other one who seems to notice. He meets my eyes, concerned, and then the look is replaced by fake joy.

"Would you rather be able to fly or turn invisible?" he asks the group, taking another bite of his sandwich, which consists of whole grain bread, pickles, ham, mayonnaise, and cheese.

"Turn invisible," Clover blurts out immediately, still staring vacantly at the center of the quilt.

"I think I'm going to have to agree with Clover on this one," I say.

"That's valid."

We go around and around until the end of lunch, and then the entire group decides to go

back to our cabin. Everyone is gathered in the living room and Ms. Kendra retreats to her room for a nap. I sit on the loveseat with Clover and Lucas, while the rest of our friends pile up on the giant L-shaped couch.

"So, where are you guys from?" Cheyenne asks.

"Lucas and I are from Colorado," I announce.

"But we moved here recently," Lucas adds.

Clover clears her throat. "I've lived in the area my whole life."

It turns out that Kylie, the Fleets, and the Whitlocks have all lived in Maine their whole lives. The Mintses and Hendrixes grew up in Florida but recently moved to Maine. The Irvings grew up in Michigan, and Cheyenne grew up in California.

Clover is fidgeting with her sleeves while zoned out, and Jupiter takes off his glasses to clean them with his sleeves. An awkward silence falls over the group.

After a few minutes of silence, we decide to start a big group chat on Discord, so we add each other's accounts and make the group. I name it "The NorthCoast Squad" and send a message: Hey Cameron here lol

After everyone introduces themselves in the group chat, we just talk until the end of lunch. I try to catch Clover's eye, but she won't look at me.