Could Have

Chapter 2: Painkiller

July 19th, 2007

The pain in my side was unusually high considering I knew my period should have been coming any day now...

My parents were away for the weekend with my brother for a soccer tournament. I sat bored at home as I flicked through the TV channels and ultimately settled on cringey reality TV. I was determined to keep my brain occupied but every effort I made was futile. I couldn't stop thinking about Kalen and the last time I had seen him on the beach.

My phone sat on the coffee table unbothered. Kalen hadn't texted me and he hadn't been online-- I knew because I checked my Nxpage and Msnger multiple times a day.

An overwhelming feeling of emptiness and yearning twisted my insides. It was getting to the point where I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin and hide under a rock. I hated the way I felt when I was away from him, it was absolutely intolerable. The pain in my side throbbed and I thought maybe my heart had been so tired of waiting it decided to just drop into my abdomen and die there.

Buzz Buzz Buzz.
My flip phone vibrated along the table and I nearly screamed as I scrambled to pick it up. I opened my text messages and his name was highlighted with one message received.

I opened our conversation with two unanswered texts from me saying "hi," and "how are you?" which in the moment felt casual and cool but looking back felt unimpressive.

I read his message aloud to my empty living room.

Kalen: Do not text or call this number please - I have lost my phone privileges.

Stunned and frusterated, I could not believe that his mother had confiscated his phone again. It explained why he hadn't been on any social media platforms and the unanswered texts.

I immediately felt relieved that it wasn't because of me. It wasn't because he had lost interest.

The pain in my side seared and I winced--

I dialed my grandparents number and explained the severity of the pain I felt. Within 20 minutes my Grandpa showed up to take me to the Hospital.

July 20th 2007

If Kalen was my boyfriend then he should be here...
But, I had no real way of getting a hold of him.

I looked out of the hospital window from my bed in the recovery ward.

The joys of what felt like an all consuming obsession with him were that even though I had just been sliced open hours ago; all I could really think about was Kalen.

I couldn't even feel the pain of the incision where they took my appendix out. Apparently it was trying to kill me and I hadn't the slightest clue. I just chalked my pain up to a heavy period, which stunned the doctors considering I basically did everything normally while feeling such a pain during that time of the month anyway.

I was so anxious laying in the hospital room, doing nothing, feeling like I was nothing. Popsicles and ice chips were my meals for the day and I was waiting for my parents to get back into town to pick me up.

I laid back and winced at the bright glow from the fluorescent lights above. I decided to close my eyes and let my mind wander. I drifted into a memory from the last semester...

I scratched notes in my science book when a piece of paper fell on my page. I looked up and Kalen had dropped it and made his way up the aisles of desks to the Teacher. Kalen asked to use the bathroom and the Teacher waved his hand in an impatient 'yes'. Kalen nodded and turned to exit but before exiting the door Kalen looked back and made eye contact with me. He slightly nodded to the crumpled note on my open text book. I quickly looked down and unfolded it.