What Could I Do? - The Summer I Turned Pretty

24

Atlas pov

Once I got home I went straight to my room to cry into my pillow. The only emotions I wanted to feel today was sadness and anger. I was so angry with Jeremiah, and I was even angrier at myself for being so weak. The moment I heard Jeremiah's voice in the call, I knew I couldn't channel my anger for much longer.

He still had that effect on me, I felt bad for yelling at him. Hearing his concerned voice over the phone. I just wanted to hug him and cry into his arms. But he was the cause of this pain.

Conrad has left me on delivered since he told me he needed space, time to process what happened. He told me that I was too young and immature for him. He said he talked to his friend and how he thought it was weird that he was dating a 17 year old while he's in college.

I don't entirely blame Jeremiah for the break up. I also blame myself. I should have fought for him, I should have fought for us harder.

Jeremiah just seemed like an easy outlet to be upset at. I was upset with myself, for having feelings for Jeremiah. For thinking of him everytime I was with Conrad. Jeremiah had a lot of my firsts, first kiss, hand holding.

But I would never forget my first deep conversation which should have been with Jeremiah, but ended up being with Conrad.

I feel bad for saying this but, I'm glad Conrad and I broke up. I feel like a breath of fresh air has finally reached my lungs and I'm no longer drowning. Drowning from the suppressed feelings I had for Jeremiah.

"How was the game? I saw Jeremiah did a few touchdowns." Cameron asks me and I nodded my head.

"Yeah, it was good! Jeremiah did amazing."

"That's good to hear! How are you and Conrad?"

My face drops and I become silent. I clear my throat.

"Oh no, did I, did I say something wrong?"

I shook my head, "we broke up." I let out a whisper.

His mouth forms an "Oh."

"Sorry."

"It's fine, it was a few days ago. I'm still processing."

"Um, what, what happened.. if you want to say. It's okay if not."

I shake my head at him. "It's fine, uh, Jeremiah told him what happened at the after party. Some guy on his team was flirting with me... I didn't tell him to stop, so... Jeremiah told him."

"Wow, that was kind of douche of Jeremiah. But I get it, it is his brother."

"Yeah... but it wasn't like I was flirting back you know? At I the bad guy in this situation?"

Cameron shakes his head at me, "no, I don't think so. I mean... I wouldn't like it if my girlfriend was allowing a guy to flirt with her, but I don't know. I'm just the jealous type. Is Conrad?"

I let out a soft giggle and nod my head.

"Well, hey. You're single now! How does it feel?"

"Honestly? Like a breath of fresh air..."

"Well, maybe this was for the best then."

I nodded my head and give Cameron a weak smile. The bell rings meaning lunch was over and we both walk in opposite directions for our next class.

I looked at Jeremiah's instagram page, I had followed him again during thanksgiving break. I looked at his most recent photo. They were only one games away from making playoffs. I looked at the comments, and smiled when I saw Belly and Steven's comments.