What Could I Do? - The Summer I Turned Pretty

16.

Jeremiah p.o.v

I always loved this time of year, because every fall was my favorite girl's birthday. Each year I would beg my mom to let us go to Cousins for Thanksgiving. Just so I could spend Thanksgiving with the Johnsons, and most importantly Allie.

I loved the Conklin's but it was the only time of year that allowed Allie and I to truly get quality time together.

Steven wasn't there to be the third wheel between Allie and me.

I remember how badly I wanted to visit for Allies' birthday last year. I begged my mom to let me go, but I realized that it would be selfish of me to be away from my mom. I was the only one taking care of her since Conrad was in college.

So when Allie asked me to come, every year when she would ask. A piece of my heart broke because she didn't know how much I wanted to go.

All last year, I sucked at replying to Allie. Even though Belly is the one who led me on, I couldn't help but feel like Allie did too. I was in defense mode, I thought that if I pretended I was busy then none of this would be real.

My mom wouldn't be dead, and Allie and I would still be best friends.

Each day I didn't message Allie I felt a piece of my heart wilt away. She had this effect on me, no matter how hard I tried to push her off my mind. More and more memories flooded in like a hurricane.

This year wasn't any easier. Every day I had to live with the regret of letting her go. I noticed she removed me from everything. I don't blame her though, I couldn't put myself to remove her right back.

It pained me to see her with Conrad, but I knew I made the right choice. She was happier with him. I just had to hope I made the right choice.

I tried just studying for my first year of college, and it was actually a lot better than high school was. You got to pick when you wanted to go to class so I could be done within 2 hours if I wanted. But I wanted to graduate on time, so I took as many classes as I could.

Anything to get my mind off of Atlas. Whenever I felt overwhelmed I just looked at the picture we took this summer at the party. I saved the one where I was looking down at Allie on my phone.

I was so hurt when she pushed me away when I felt like we had a moment. I guess it was just me who felt it, she seemed to look uncomfortable whenever I pulled her close to me.

After I dropped Belly off at her camp, I stayed to support her. I tried really hard to be invested in her, but I knew that it would just end up hurting Belly more. All I could think about was her best friend. So I definitely made the right choice in choosing to stay single. 

-

I knew that this year was going to be extremely hard. I wouldn't be getting messages from Allie, and I didn't have the summer to look forward to. All I had was school, and sports. 

The text came at the beginning of November. It was Allie's mom, she asked me to come by for Thanksgiving weekend. I politely declined her offer, I didn't want anything to do with Allie, and I knew that seeing her would only make my hidden feelings all the more real again. 

Her mom wasn't taking no for an answer. That's when she told me that Conrad wasn't going to be there for Thanksgiving or her birthday... 

I mean, I know he went to study in Australia, but I would of at least thought he would try to be there for Thanksgiving. But I knew Conrad, and knowing him... He was overworking himself. Probably taking 6 classes when the max should be 4. He always liked to overwork himself. It's what Conrad does best. It made sense why Allie's mom said she was lonely.

I can just imagine him falling asleep on Facetime with her after she stayed up late at night just to call him. Just for him to fall asleep an hour later, I can just imagine how frustrated she is. I knew I could treat her way better, no matter how many classes I took. I would always stay up, and sleep last. It makes me sad just thinking about the amount of effort she put into trying to stay up to talk all night. 

But I would know that Allie is worth it. She deserves late-night calls, she deserves to be the one sleeping on call, not Conrad. But who was I to come between them, we made our choices. Why couldn't I just let her go? 

I told her mom that I would come, but only because Allie's mom always made the best turkey in the world. Better than my mom's, and my mom made really good food. 

After I got the news, I suddenly couldn't wait until the end of November. My midterms were next week as well, which gave me enough time to prepare. I would spend the last few weeks buying new outfits to impress Allie. I also spent a whole week looking for the perfect gift for her.

I looked everywhere for her gift. I figured I would give her the poem I read to her when I was in middle school. That moment was very special for both of us, I remember when I learned it in school. I couldn't wait until I could see her again, to tell her my new discovery of an emotion that meant so much to a lot of people.

That gift was easy, but I was obsessing over a physical gift. I wanted it to be special since Conrad couldn't be there. I wanted to take her mind off of it and allow her to be happy on her birthday. Even though we didn't end on exactly good terms, it didn't matter because this gift would show I still cared for her. She was my Allie, my best friend. 

I went shopping by myself at the mall that was closest to Flinch University. I went to every girly store I could find, I even tried online shopping. Nothing had what I wanted for Allie until I found it...

The perfect gift was pop figures that looked just like us. Dirty blond-haired guy with a brunette girl that had J plus A with a heart. Even if it was too much, it was perfect. It was as if the universe wanted me to get this for her. 

It was special for both of us.

-

I breathed deeply as I looked at the Johnson's door. The beach house was just a few doors down. I didn't know why I was so nervous, I had been here countless times. I just hadn't ever come alone... It was always with my Mom and Conrad, there's always room for firsts.

I knocked on the door and I waited for what seemed like hours but was only 15 seconds, I counted... Allie opened the door and the way she looked at me it was as if she had seen a ghost. "Surprise!" I say to her hoping for her face to change.