How I survived in an all boys glade

Chapter Thirty-nine

- exposed? -

As I'm sitting in the deadheads - five months after the maze incident, so I can now walk, or walk and walk, I can limp around on my own - leaning against a tree lost in thought sketching in my sketchbook trying to clear my mind from all these horrible images in my head of the outside world, that I didn't even notice someone walking up behind me.

"Hey, she-bean" Newt says causing me to jump quickly closing my book "Oh, sorry, didn't mean to startle you" he says with a small smile. I take a deep breath trying to calm my racing heart "It's okay, I was just...lost in thought" I say, trying to shake off the fear that still lingers from my memories. "I can see that" Newt chuckles, leaning against the tree and I look up at him taking in his features. His blonde hair is messy as usual, his green eyes hold a sense of comfort and understanding, and his freckles are scattered across his nose and cheeks.

"What are you drawing?" he asks, nodding towards my sketchbook. "Oh, uhm..." I reply in a shaky voice, not wanting to show him the drawing since it would just expose me. "It's nothing really, just some random doodles" I say, "Come on, She-bean. You don't have to hide it from me" Newt then says grabbing to book from my hands before I could stop him.

My heart clenches in fear as he opens the book and flips through the pages still leaning against the tree, my drawings of the maze, the creatures, are all there in full detail. I slowly get up from the ground, feeling vulnerable and exposed, seeing his expression change with each drawing he looks at.

"Y/n..." Newt then speaks up as he gets to the last page, I had been drawing a sketch on, his voice full of sadness, "I-I'm sorry, I... I didn't know how to tell you guys, scared off what you might would have done... I-" I try to apologize but he cut me off by pulling me in for a hug, and I just stand there in shock for a moment as I thought he would have run off telling Alby and then banishing me to the grievers or something.

"Y/n, you don't have to apologize for anything. you were scared when you came up, scared of what we would do because you didn't know us" Newt says, holding me as I finally let out a sob, "I-I-I don't know what to do. I-I'm scared. I'm scared that we'll never find a way out, an-and I-I can't get these images out of my head, Newt. I'm scared of what might happen if we don't make it out of here" I stutter, my voice cracking with each word, as Newt just holds me tighter, comforting me.

"It's okay, I promise we'll find a way out of here," Newt whispers, rubbing my back soothingly, "thank you" I smile "But please don't tell anyone about this," I add, pulling away from the hug, looking up at him, my eyes pleading. "Of course, love" Newt nods, understanding, and I can't help but feel grateful for him. "But you do have to tell the others about it at some point though" he adds, and I nod, knowing that it is the right thing to do.