By Your Side/ WooSan🖤🧡

Unheard

Unheard
My voice couldn't reach you
Unloved
I hurt

The feeling of being unheard when you need it the most is unexplainable. Feeling like people are listening but not trying to understand has been one of my biggest struggles.

I wish to have a person that focuses on me when I am speaking but it still feels like they are only hearing the voices in their mind rather than the voices I am letting out.

When I talk, I feel like I'm on the other side of the same dice. We are in the same room, same time and same dimension but I still feel distant from everyone.

I won't deny that I am hurting and that this is making me feel like I am somehow left behind. Uncared... it scares me.

Help.

That's why I enjoy writing, hoping my voice could reach someone out there.

San pov:

"Woo..." I said, caressing his back sharing the same bed, under the same covers.

"Mmm" he hummed, trying to look up.

"Do you ever regret anything?" don't get me wrong, I wasn't trying to trigger his anxiety or trigger anything, but I just was curious about his answer. I have known him for the longest time, but this topic of conversation was never something we ever heard the other speak of.

"Ummm" he wondered, melting deeper in our cuddles. "I don't regret anything" he finally answered after a small silence.

"I do..." I murmured.

It took Wooyoung a second before comprehending what I really said.

"You do?!" he yelled, jumping out of my arms. The sheets felt immediately cold, and I craved his touch again.

Signaling for him to come back to his previous position, I answered: "I regret not meeting you sooner...".

I know I might have sounded like this big romantic, but it wasn't really the case. Falling in love with my best friend, being able to hold him this close and being with him was the highlight of my life but... I regret not meeting him sooner because...

I am struggling to make him understand
More about myself.
I find it hard to explain
Why I can't do more.

"I love you and you know that but there is some stuff I want to tell you about that..." I stopped, looking at him.

"You don't have to worry about it Sannie... I will listen and I will still be by your side. Nothing you say might make me change my mind. You are everything for me" and with that he shut me up... he didn't mean to stop me, and I could have continued. But...

How?
Where do I start?
Will you really understand me?
Will I be heard or...
Are you sure it won't change anything?

Questions brought me back to the reality I was in. Up until now I couldn't comprehend that I could speak up about the weight inside of me... but Wooyoung has been straightforward with his thoughts and emotions. Will I be able to talk to him... like he did? Or is what I am feeling... not something you can talk about... I just need to explain but maybe not now.

Even when people let you know that they were here when you need them the most, to hear you, to listen and reassure you... even when Woo told me that he will stick to me no matter the reason, I doubted my feelings that been carrying me down.

"Babe..." he whispered.

His breath around my neck, turned off my chain of thoughts. "Yeah...?" I asked, smiling at his beautiful face.

"I got worried because you went silent after asking me this question"

I giggled. His face was too cute. I seriously loved him so much "I love you, angel" the way he cared, the way he worried and the way he got happy after he heard my voice. Just with that I was willing to try for him...

"I love you more but is there something wrong... you look off?" I made him anxious.

Shut up San!

Change the subject San... I yelled in my head and that is when I remember the interview, we had two days ago... Wooyoung was being truly affectionate with our captain. I would lie if I said it didn't make me jealous. Kissing, hugging and ... ugh the thought of it makes me want to just leave marks everywhere on his body... claiming him.

I sounded like a child, but I couldn't help it. He was just very sexy... everyone wanted to be around him, talk to him and touch him....

Without any explanation, I get closer to his face and kissed him like there were no tomorrow. I wanted him to feel me and only me. He tried to let out words, but I wanted to stop him from even trying to speak. Right now, I was speaking and needed him to hear me.

"Sa...San!" he managed to say. With that I let go for a second, staring at his teary eyes and flushed cheeks.

"Baby, every time you get close to someone else, remember this kiss. Remember whose tongue you just tasted and remember the sound of my name coming out of your beautiful mouth" I said, leaving one last kiss on his lips.

"You are crazy!" he laughed. "What happened in that head of yours... what are you talking about?" he asked, still laughing at how serious I looked.

"Woo... angel... don't act clueless" I answered, still looking at his lips... needing more.

"Sannie..." he moaned playfully, holding my face in his hands "seriously what's wrong babe?" his smile left his face in a second, pouting.

"You are too affectionate with others. Why do you give so many kisses and hugs to everyone... and not me" the last few words sounded like whispers, finally feeling embarrassed of the stupid jealousy I was feeling?

Within seconds, the room was filled with proud laughter coming from Wooyoung. And here it was... my face turning red.

"So that's why you were acting weird with your question? You are so cute"

"Shut up" I yelled, holding a hand on his mouth blocking any word that could escape.

"Wait listen... you know I don't mean it in that way!" he struggled saying, trying to break free.

"I said shut up!" I yelled again, this time even louder feeling my ears burn up.

"No! I think it is time for YOU to shut up!" he smiled one last time before getting closer and kissing me passionately, holding me tight and not wanting letting go. I melted right in.

Still unheard
Messy
But safe.
I have time...
For now. I keep telling myself.

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I am so far loving writing every chapter! I hope you liked it!
If you have any recommendations please feel free to suggest them to me! I'll take it into consideration!
Anyway please remember that this story will contain some heavy triggering stuff so please be advised to take care of yourself first!
Thank you for your support! 🖤🧡