By Your Side/ WooSan🖤🧡

... And This Was A Year Ago

A year,
12 months
365 days
Of us being together.

Wooyoung pov:

It all happened a year ago. Him and I...  finally, together... I couldn't be happier. Our team was very supportive and some of them even expected it.

However, I still felt anxious and jealous over little things, but I never really made a big deal out of them. I wouldn't try to show it because I felt stupid, even when San told me that he wanted to know everything. He was ready to help. I was scared to talk about them, thinking he would get annoyed or tired of me...

I felt anxious
Talking about my anxiety

I pushed myself to enjoy the present we shared, trying to forget about the future. But being in a relationship meant that you couldn't help escape what was yet to come.

"Sannie!" I yelled from my room, curled up in my bed. It was late at night and we just finished practice. My muscles were in so much pain, but the feeling was comforting. I felt good knowing that I worked hard. "San!" I yelled again.

Silence.

I became impatient and even though I didn't want to get out of my relaxing position, I had to find out why he wasn't answering. I wanted him. I missed him even thought I saw him not long ago.

I left my room, heading to his when I heard laughter leaving Yeosang's bedroom. I knew immediately that it was San, and my heart tightened a little.

Even though we were finally together and Yeosang was my best friend, I couldn't help but still feel jealous. For people I sounded possessive, but I was actually insecure.

He was more beautiful
Soft
Cute
Perfect
He was the real angel...
Not me.

Anyone could see it even San. I wouldn't understand what was so great about me. He chose me but I still couldn't believe that he wanted someone like me.

I was messy, clumsy, loud and ... annoying. Regardless he kept calling my name softly, loving me with tenderness and cherishing me without letting go of me. But I still was worried, and I couldn't let him know. What if I proved a point to him and he ended up leaving me? What if he gets mad at me and breaks up with me? I hated my thoughts and I hated how weak I became.

But I couldn't help it...
I didn't have any control over myself.

I took a deep breath and opened Yeosang's door. Peeking from it I called out for San, anxiety still pinching my stomach: "Sannie..." I half whispered, feeling like I was intruding on their happy time.

Without any warning, San's head turned automatically at my voice and screamed with a smile covering his face: "Angel!". With that, I relaxed a little before looking to his side.
The distance between their bodies was almost none. This pinching feeling grew into a painful one, as if I was hit right in the middle of my intestines, making me want to throw up and run away but... I didn't. "What are you doing here?" he asked as if nothing was wrong.

But nothing was wrong...
I was just seeing it,
Feeling it...
It was me who was wrong.

"I just wanted..." I felt embarrassed remembering why I called him in the first place. I wanted to cuddle and sleep with him tonight. I couldn't bring myself to tell him that specially with Yeosang there. I would have felt like I was ruining their mood.

San was my boyfriend, but he wasn't just mine.
I couldn't be selfish.
Even if I wanted to.

"What is it?" he looked at me with those lost puppy eyes that made me weak instantly.

I stayed quiet, thinking of the next words I could say... the best fitting ones for this kind of situation. The right ones that will not make him doubt how I was truly feeling. The cover up.

"I..." I smiled nervously, looking at Yeosang "I was just wondering if I could borrow your charger...?" and here it was... another lie.

"Oh..." he paused, scaning me from head to toe "it's..."

"Never mind!" I interrupted him "I'll go to sleep..." I laughed...

I laughed
Yes, I did
I was pathetic.
Feeling jealous and
I laughed at my stupidity.

Not letting him answer, I rushed out of the room, feeling tears building up my eyes. My heart was racing and I wanted to just shut myself in my room. Hide until I have calmed down and could be okay again.

As I was reaching the doorknob, I felt warm hands grabbing me by the waist and within seconds I was pushed inside my room, door closed.

Just from the touch I knew it was San, but out of all the times I wanted to see him, right now wasn't one of them.

I looked at the floor, his head resting my shoulder, embracing me tightly from behind.

"Look at me" he whispered.

"No..." I said with a shaky voice.

"Angel... Look at me" and with that he turned me, facing him. My eyes red from how much I was struggling to keep my tears in. I was trembling.
"Angel, baby... what's wrong?" worried, he grabbed my face in both his hands and pulled me closer than ever. Our foreheads pressing on each other.

I smiled "it's nothing for you to worry..." I managed to let out.

"It is not nothing. Talk to me"

I sighed "do you... I mean... he is pretty, right?" I was struggling.

Without hesitation: "what?" confused.

"I mean I know he is pretty. So do you. And like... he is cute and small. He is calm and ... you know he is a close friend of mine, so I understand... but like I... never mind..." I smiled "it's okay, I am fine." The words overflowed my mouth. Nothing made sense but I kept going and it just made me want to disappear deeper away.

He stayed quiet... maybe that was it. He was going to regret dating me. Regret it all.

1 year
12 months
365 days
And I am still the same.

———————————————————————————
Sorry for the long break but I needed. To make it better I made this chapter a bit longer but the end ... sorry!
ANYWAY, I am so far loving writing every chapter! I hope you liked it!
If you have any recommendations please feel free to suggest them to me! I'll take it into consideration!
Anyway please remember that this story will contain some heavy triggering stuff so please be advised to take care of yourself first!
Thank you for your support! 🖤🧡