By Your Side/ WooSan🖤🧡

What its like to be 'Okay'

I couldn't hear my breath
I couldn't see myself
It felt dark but
I learnt to keep going

Wooyoung pov:

Just like a typical every day. Our schedules were fixed: breakfast, rehearsals, meetings, lunch, more rehearsals, diner and for me.... sleepless nights.

I haven't been able to sleep for the past month. I was exhausted.

My body has been begging for rest. It was shaking, and I was incapable of feeding it what it craved the most: sleep.

My eyes felt heavy, and my brain just couldn't handle more overthinking. It was screaming from how overloaded it has been. Migraines have become part of my daily routine and I was getting easily irritated by the smallest things.

"You ready?" a voice paused my bubble thoughts for a split second.

I turned to see San standing by the door of my room, laying his shoulder on it, crossed arms.

"Yeah, I will be down in a second... you can start without me" I answered looking at my wooden floor that I have memorized by now.

Silence filled the room for a few second before the same voice echoed but now softer and calmer.

"Are you okay?" he asked getting closer to the bed I was sitting on for the past 30 minutes.

I don't know if I can call myself 'okay'.

What does it mean to be okay?
To him?
To them?

To me?

Is it being able to always smile? Joke around? Be playful? Or...
Be honest...?

I didn't know how he saw me anymore because I couldn't see myself in his reflection like I used to. Everything was blank. His eyes were looking at me, but I just couldn't find myself in them anymore... was it because I wasn't 'okay' or is there something else stopping me from doing so?

I felt like a machine:
Empty
Going in circles.

Can my appearance be called 'okay' or was I losing the person he once knew?

"Yeah, I am fine..." I paused before I forced my head to look up at the worried guy "Don't worry. I am just tired from work" I smiled hoping it could cover up all the mess I have been hiding in me.

"Woo..." he sighed "I know it has been hard and that we had barely time to rest because the concert is near but please remember you can always talk to me..." he whispered kneeling closer to me, caressing my arm gently as if it was about to break.

I nodded and smiled a second time, praying that this time I would nail the part of 'being okay' in front of my best friend.

He kissed my hands like he always did when he felt worried. It was his way of reassuring himself when he felt hopeless.

It pained me that I made him feel that way... hopeless.

I wanted to be his strength. Someone he can rely on not someone who broke him.

"Let's spend time tonight before sleeping in your room or mine... doesn't matter" he smiled, before standing up and heading out to breakfast where the rest of the team were waiting.

I sighed. My heart ached and I wanted to disappear. This is what has been happening every time I was around him. My body would just react, and I would get anxious. But I wouldn't understand.

I miss him all the time and I didn't know why. I was sad and hurt but nothing was clear to me.

I just wanted to stop for a second.

I stood up, stretched my arms in the air, painted a smile on my face and head downstairs to tick the first item on my schedule: breakfast.

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This is the first chapter! I hope you liked it!
If you have any recommendations please feel free to suggest them to me! I'll take it into consideration!
Anyway please remember that this story will contain some heavy triggering stuff so please be advised to take care of yourself first!
Thank you for your support! 🖤🧡