Eye of The Tiger

Chapter Four

When I was in my 20s, I worked at many different jobs. It wasn’t because I was a terrible worker or would get fired. It was simply because of my insomnia and bipolar. It’s very hard to function at work with little to no sleep. I even tried working graveyard shift, but my body just couldn’t get used to those hours. I went through therapy, different medications, and changing my sleeping habits, but it seemed like nothing was really helping me.
     But now I’m in my 30s and my insomnia has gotten more manageable. I still have those nights where I don’t get that much sleep, but it’s not nearly as bad as it used to be. I also think that’s because of some medication I take for bipolar as well.
     When I first got diagnosed with being bipolar, I was embarrassed about it. I didn’t want people to think I went around getting angry and being difficult like those people you see on TV. There’s more to it than just being moody. It involves a manic phase and a depressive phase. During a manic phase, I have lots of energy, can’t concentrate on a lot of things, barely sleep at all, talk a lot more, and make impulsive decisions that I normally would not make. During my depressive phase, I sleep way too much, lose interest in just about everything I usually enjoy, and become antisocial until it goes away.
     To be completely honest, I have more difficulty managing my insomnia than I do being bipolar. Insomnia is a common sleep disorder. With insomnia, you may have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or getting good quality sleep. This happens even if you have the time and the right environment to sleep well. Insomnia can get in the way of your daily activities and may make you feel sleepy during the day. Short-term insomnia may be caused by stress or changes in your schedule or environment. It can last for a few days or weeks. Chronic (long-term) insomnia occurs 3 or more nights a week, lasts more than 3 months, and cannot be fully explained by another health problem. There are two types of insomnia: primary and secondary. Primary insomnia means that a person’s sleep problems aren’t linked to any other health condition or problem. Secondary insomnia means that a person may have trouble sleeping because of a health condition (like asthma, depression, arthritis, cancer, or heartburn); pain; medication; or substance use (like alcohol).
     To diagnose insomnia, my healthcare provider asked about my sleep habits and to keep a sleep diary. My doctor also recommended healthy lifestyle habits such as a regular sleep schedule, cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia, and medicines to help me manage my insomnia. At that point, I was so tired of going back and forth to the doctors and trying new medications ‘to see what works.’ Now I finally am on medication that seems to be working for both my bipolar and insomnia. If only I’d had it last year, then that terrible night would never have happened....
     If I don’t get enough sleep, everything becomes much more complicating to me. For example, if I don’t get enough sleep and then I have a new client the next day, I’ll have a hard time finding their house and can’t think clearly. It’s like everything becomes a puzzle to me that I have to solve.
     I also have sleep anxiety, which means that when nighttime comes, I start excessively worrying about whether or not I’m going to get enough sleep and how badly it will possibly affect my day. I finally had to realize that I can only take one day at a time and just go from there. Even though it’s still difficult, my anxiety has gotten much better at night.
     My mom also has insomnia. I can remember many sleepless nights when we would go to Walmart late at night, listening to Justin Timberlake’s first cd. We would have so much fun shopping for clothes and trying on silly items we would never buy. Then the next morning, my dad would blow through the roof when he’d find Walmart receipts lying around and look at the prices. It was hilarious.
“What is the meaning of this?” He would ask my mom. My mom would look at the receipt.
“That’s a paper that shows the items and prices you purchase at a store.”
“Sarah, you know what I mean. I’m tired of finding these receipts lying around,” he would reply.
“Oh Richard, it’s just fun times when we can’t sleep. If you don’t want to see the receipts lying around, I’ll make sure to hide them next time,” she’d say and even my dad had to laugh at her quick wit. They were the modern day Ricky and Lucy.
“At least next time bring back some beer,” he’d say and kiss her forehead.
     My dad totally spoils my mom and me. Although he can be stern at times, he has a big soft spot for his girls. There were countless times when I used the ‘but daddy’ line to get something and it would totally work. My mom would spoil CJ. I can’t even tell you how many video game systems he had or autographed Baseball Cards he got. Not to mention tickets to see the Lakers and Dodgers.
     I personally couldn’t care less about any type of sports. That was all my dad and brother right there. They didn’t suffer from insomnia like my mom and I did. Once they hit the pillow, they were out cold. Men always sleep better than women. Its not fair we have to go through so much and still be able to look good and happy.