The Blood Debt

Chapter 30

Roman

I find her by the lake later that night. It's freezing cold and dark out, but she's sitting there with Lulu by her side like it's a spring morning.

After the last of the guests leave, she tells me she's going upstairs to check on Noah where I assume she still is, but when I make my way upstairs much later, I find Noah fast asleep and Ayla nowhere in sight.

When I call the guard house to ask if she's outside, they tell me she's been out for a while by the lake with Lulu. I rug up, heading out to bring her back in before she freezes.

"Before you say anything," she says at the sign of my approaching footsteps, "I needed some fresh air."

She's changed into a pair of sweatpants and has a coat on. She's thrown a blanket over Lulu who's laying on the bench next to her with her head in Ayla's lap.

"You know she's a guard dog, right?" I ask, indicating to Lulu who looks anything but curled up beside Ayla.

"Yeah I know," she says, patting Lulu's head as I take a seat beside them, "but she's also old, and dobermans aren't built for this kind of weather. I tried to turn her back but she wouldn't go."

Lulu whines quietly like she knows we're talking about her.

"So how long do you think you'll need to sit out here before the effects of marrying me wear off. It's fucking freezing out here," I say shooting her a sideways glance as I rub my hands together.

She turns to me, eyeballing me, clearly unamused by my sense of humor before she turns back without uttering a word in response.

"I'm asking 'cause I'm wondering if we get to go inside before frostbite sets in," I say breathing warm air onto my hands.

It's my lame attempt at trying to distract her from the events of the night. I'm not blind. I'm very aware that I'm the only one happy with this arrangement we have going, and I know my content doesn't negate her feelings.

"I used to hate it when you did that," she says without looking at me.

There's so much I've done for her to hate, that I wait for her to clarify exactly what she's referring to, my eyes tracing an anxious path to her face as I wait expectantly, afraid of what misery she's going to recount.

"Making light of things that turned my life upside down because you knew you could," she says when she sees that I'm not following.

"I wasn't trying to make light of it," I say, feeling like an ass. "I'm very aware of the kind of burden you're under. I've always known how much you've struggled with the demands I've put on you. Despite what you might think, I know you better than you give me credit for."

"Oh I've never doubted that," she says matter-factly, almost as if she's talking to herself.

"Is that why you wrote me such a large check?" she says, turning to me. "Were you hoping to buy my forgiveness?"

"The check's a gift, Ayla. The ceremony wouldn't be valid without it. I wasn't doing you a favor. It's my obligation."

"So I heard, but your obligation didn't have to be 15 million. Is that your way of atoning for what you put me through, or is it payment for future pain and suffering?"

Ouch. I guess I deserved that.

I draw in a long audible breath.

"It's neither," I say looking straight ahead. I need to get this out and I'm afraid that if I look at her, I won't be able to say what I need to tell her.