Chapter 32

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Kristal Anderson

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Kristal Anderson

There's so much you don't know Kristal and deep down I hope you never find out, for your own sake.

His words were doing laps in my mind and sending me down a dangerous spiral. The world around me had gone completely silent, only his words played over and over again leaving a ringing sensation behind.

My head whipped in all directions in search for him and my legs began to move, running in the direction that he had disappeared into. But he was no where in sight. It was like he had vanished, taking with him any possibility of getting closure on what truly happened.

I could feel myself spiralling out of control as panic set deep within my core at the possibility of never finding out what his words meant and a collection of symptoms that I was far too familiar with hit me all at once.

No no no not here.

I silently begged my stupid brain, that was headed towards the edge of the cliff with no plan of turning back, to stop, to quiet down. But deep down I knew that I was too far gone.

The first round of chest pains hit me harder than I had anticipated, causing me to stop in my tracks hold onto the closest tree for support. My now trembling hand slowly lifted to my chest that I gripped with all my might as if that would make the pain go away and clear the way for air through.

No no no not here. I couldn't be having a panic attack in public.

One look around at all of the people who would be witnessing me in such a vulnerable state only sent another wave of that agonizing pain through my chest that had me gasping. And gasping. And gasping for air that my body seemed to be repelling.

This was it. This was how I died.

I rested my whole back against the tree trunk for additional support before sliding down until I met the ground.

My thoughts had veered away from the possibility of never finding him and never knowing the truth to the complete fool I was making of myself in front of everyone, because in my head all eyes were on me in that moment. Everyone was watching and that thought only sent me into a faster more twisted spiral.

My hands balled into tight fists, my nails digging deep into the flesh of my palm. A sharp pain shot through me, providing a momentary relief.

My vision was going in and out of focus and I was already preparing myself for the worst, I was going to pass out– or die– any moment. My mind was loud, so incredibly loud, my thoughts were interlinking with one another where one started and the other ended was becoming harder and harder to tell.

Our divorce had nothing to do with–

Everyone's watching

You're making a fool out of yourse–

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