Just Pretend

Chapter 17 - Please Trust Me

"She's my fucking best friend. Why would she do that? Fuck. Folio seems pissed, I bet you're raging too and it's my fault."

"Folios upset, he isn't pissed at you. I'm pissed yeah, but at Cassidy not you. That's not fair for her to say that stuff. She shared a lot about the band but nothing new.  She did the worst to you though baby." Noah says and tries to dry my tears.

"Us." I whisper and Noah takes my hands in his.

"Yeah baby, us." Noah kisses my hands and looks me straight in the eye. "Who hurt you Margo?"

"What?"

"Cassidy said about your last relationship in the article... what happened Margo?" Noah asks gently.

"Noah..." tears roll down my face again and Noah wipes them away once more.

"Do you want me to make us a drink first?" I nod instantly and Noah leaves the room. I go to the bathroom, splash my face with some water and take a few deep breaths.

I hear the T.V turn on in the bedroom and calm low-fi music plays. Noah's sitting on the bed, resting against the head board and pats the space next to him.

"Come here baby." I make my way to Noah and snuggle into him, resting my head on his chest. "What did Cass mean?" He asks and I sigh.

"About my ex and us?"

"Mhmm..." Noah plays with my hair making me relax.

"I don't know what to say... she basically aired it all out..." I sigh and Noah continues to play with my hair. "It was bad Noah."

"I know baby."

"It was like he hated me. I don't know why I stayed as long as I did."

"The hardest part is leaving..." Noah whispers and I look up to him. "He hurt you?" I nod.

"A lot... he was good in the beginning. We were good until we weren't. Small things would change, I'd go out for drinks and I'd be accused of cheating on him, then he'd buy me clothes as if it was a gift but it was a way to control what I wore. It got worse, I needed a job I was studying and writing but I needed money, he said a job was going in the bar he worked at so I took it. Just another way for him to control things, even in work he tried to control who spoke to me. Then he started drinking a lot more often, coming back to mine really drunk saying he'd kick my door in if I didn't let him inside. I didn't want the chaos so I'd just let him in every single night. He'd get angry and hit stuff because I never let him inside before he had to start shouting. Hitting stuff turned into pushing me. Hitting me, not at first, just pushing, shoving slapping... then hitting. There were sometimes nights when he would force himself onto me. There was never any point in fighting it. He was much bigger and stronger than me... If I didn't fight back it would be over quicker. I remember one night I went out with the girls and I got tipsy... well drunk. Really drunk actually. Anyways I came home after drinking and he was mad..." I can feel a lump forming in the throat and I try to swallow it away. "He accused me again of cheating once I got back to my flat where he had been waiting for me outside. I tried to ignore him and just went inside. He followed me and we got into an argument. It got really heated really quickly and he choked me. I couldn't breathe. He finally realised what he was doing and let go of me and I panicked and left my house. I ran away from my own home. I was so scared. My relationship was slowly turning into my parents just without the substance abuse. I didn't want that. We split up, I left my job, I had to leave my old flat and I started renting my grandparents cottage... he tried to contact me after we had split up but I'd never reply and always block him. We haven't spoken since but he was an awful person and I really hope for everyone's sake that he's changed. I can't believe that Cassidy shared that my last relationship was abusive to a magazine while speaking about Bad Omens in the same breath. Then she spoke about ours which we've not put up anywhere or addressed. We've been trying to keep it quiet. Fuck Noah."

"Woah Margo that's a lot..." Noah sighs and runs his hands through his own hair. His jaw clenching and unclenching makes me nervous.

"I know. I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner but I hate talking about it. I don't think that part of my life should define who I am."

"No baby you don't need to be sorry. It doesn't define you. Thats fucked up though. He's fucked up. I'm glad you got out of it but what the fuck is wrong with him to do that to you. Then Cassidy fucking tells a magazine about it just because she has a story about us and you." Noah sighs.

"I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."

"Baby, it's not your fault. What happened to you isn't your fault. Cassidy doing this to you isn't your fault. We can either address this or we can figure a different way to make it better. Please trust me." Noah holds out his pinky, I sniffle a smile and wrap my pinky around his.