Professor, Professor || BWAM

the forty-forth

His body stiffens up, "R-rumors? You've known?

She nods her head solemnly.

Oh, no. How much do you know? I wonder if she read the police reports or the stenographer's notes in court. Neruda swept the majority of the litigation under the rug but knowing Adeola and her diligence for thorough research, I know she wouldn't give up so easily.

I can only hope that she used that same tact to discern which allegations were true and which were simply wayward yellow journalism.

My heart sinks, "You must think I'm disgusting... how can you even stand to be in the same room with me?" I close my eyes tightly as the warm tears pool behind my eyelids. I turned away again, "Leave me, don't waste anymore of your time on me. You are far too good for many, and certainly far too good for me."

Without a word she hugs me from behind. Her embrace is deep and meaningful, her hands wrapped tightly around me as if we were bound together so tightly that it would hurt us both to detach,"Do you really want me to leave you, Zaain?"

I'm paralyzed. How could she even bear to touch me? I felt like a leper, "Of course I don't. But, surely you couldn't want to stay knowing what I've done."

She's silent again. So silent that if it hadn't been for her warm embrace, I would've thought she had left, "But, what did you actually do? Just tell me that it wasn't as bad as they say."

I couldn't hold it in anymore and I just started sobbing, "All I did was love her! I didn't do those things they said. All I did was wait around for her to love me as I loved her. I was her puppet. I was her plaything. I was nothing but a checkbox, a to-do!"

I felt a hard, salty lump in my throat as I reminisced, I felt that I could hardly make intelligible words over my wails, "Do you know how humiliating it is to have the deepest, most passionate feelings for someone who couldn't care less about you? And for that pain and desperation to be dragged out in court proceedings for months? Your dignity and reputation run into the ground?"

Suddenly, she releases me. Turning me to towards her as she analyzes my face. Oh, how pathetic she must think I am.

—ADEOLA—

None of the telltale body language signs for lying...

Pained expression

Raw emotion...

Now, that one is new.

He may be telling the truth but that still doesn't answer my question, "So, what happened then?"

He went to wipe his tears with his sleeve, burying his face in his hands.

Usually seeing a man crying would turn me off from him. Not because men shouldn't cry, they absolutely should when necessary, but more so because every time a man has cried to me, it was to manipulate me.

But, the way in which Kazem cried was not like how any other man had cried in my presence. It was clear that he had an inner conflict with himself, fighting between not crying and obliging me to leave, either risking weeping in my presence, or letting the opportunity to have me around slip between his fingers.

Even the way he hid himself, contorting his body away from me with arms still around me. I could tell that he held his breath at points to keep himself from quivering and whimpering against me. He probably thinks that I find him weak, little does he know how much strength it takes to accomplish what he has.