Their Little Princess

Chapter Forty-Nine

When I walk in, Carlo and Francesco are sitting on the couch, Sandro is sitting behind the desk, Zio Dante is sitting in the seat across from him and Elijah is standing beside him.

I stand in the doorway by Emilio, not moving toward Sandro at all. "Madison, thank you for coming in," Sandro says.

I look around at everyone in the room watching me, various expressions on their faces and all I feel is awkward. "Maddie," Zio Dante says, "I'm sorry to have to do this, but I just need you to tell me whether you've seen this photo before."

I can see partially from where I'm at and I don't want a closer look. It's the picture of mom and Daniel. "I—I saw their bodies when they died."

"But the picture. I just need you to tell me if you notice anything off about it."

I walk forward toward the desk and stare at the photo. My stomach feels uneasy as I look at the photo of the scene that's haunted my mind everyday since that afternoon. In the moment, I didn't know what to feel. 

There's nothing different about it, it's the same stomach-churning image I saw after school that day. Looking at this photo, I wonder what I could have done to stop it. It's just the way my mind works, I wonder how thing could have worked out differently if I'd done something differently. If I'd gotten home sooner, would it have helped? Would it have been different if I didn't stay at school with Jess and Chase longer than I needed. And a question that I've been trying not to consider because of how horrible it feels to wonder this, every now and then, when things feel especially bad, I start to wonder if things would have been better if my parents never had me.

"Is it different?" Zio Dante asks.

I swallow hard, "I—I don't know, I—"

"Just look at it harder, you have to tell me if it's—" From my peripheral, I see Emilio shoot Sandro a look and Sandro intervenes immediately, grabbing the photo and removing it from my line of view. "That's enough." His voice is sharp, and Zio Dante immediately shows an expression of guilt, "I'm sorry. I'll go see what else I can find."

He stands up and leaves immediately. "Have a seat, please," Sandro says.

I sit down in the seat Zio Dante was in. Having Elijah stand beside me is surprisingly intimidating and I'm grateful when he takes the seat beside me instead.

Sandro just watches me for a second and even my brothers are quiet. "How do you feel?" He asks finally.

I hesitate as I consider how to word how I feel. I don't think I've ever been good at voicing my feelings, but I try, I keep my eyes away from his, instead focusing on the smooth desk, "I feel betrayed?" It come out like a question, as if I don't know how my own self is feeling anymore. My voice is shaking beyond my control, its quiet and an octave higher than I'm used to, "I feel like the idiot because you all have been lying to me since I moved in. And maybe what hurts most is the hypocrisy?" I say unsurely, more emotions are coming to mind as I talk, "In certain ways, I understand why you hid it from me, I don't feel any better knowing the truth than I did before, I feel worse, and I think ignorance is bliss. But another thing I know is that despite your reasoning, if you could sit there and lie to my face for nearly 3 months, you could understand that you aren't perfect either and could have been a little easier on me these past months considering what I've been through."

He's quiet for a second, "I understand what you mean," He says, "I apologize for all of it. I'm especially sorry you had to find out that way. But," He continues, "I can't apologize for trying to protect you. Being a part of this makes you a target, Madison. And I won't lie to you and say that I wouldn't do it again if it came down to it, because unfortunately this can't be about feelings, it has to be about what needs to be done."