Chapter Forty-Two

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"How was the movie?" Elijah asks.

"Terrible," Francesco says.

"He loved it," I contradict.

He rolls his eyes, walking into the kitchen. I smile slightly, I actually enjoyed his company today. Elijah smiles, ruffling my hair a bit on his way into the living room. I follow closely beside him and sit next to him on the couch.

"Did you enjoy yourself? I know Francesco isn't the most outgoing," He says curiously.

"Yeah. He snapped at the boy at the counter," I say.

"He's just protective. We all are," He says, "We've lost a lot over the past few years."

"Do you miss dad often?" I ask.

He hesitates, "I um...Yeah, but..."

I've never heard him sound unsure, and I want to change the subject immediately, I stand up, "I have to use the bathroom um...So bad, actually." It's a horribly crafted lie but I walk away before he can stop me. I walk upstairs and straight into my room. Why did I ask that?!

Lately, I've found myself longing for parents to an unhealthy extent. Somedays it's worse than others, it hits me like a headache somedays. I've been texting Mateo and Gio and I love talking to them, but hearing them talk about Zio Alessio or Zia Cecilia makes me feel a sadness that I'm not even sure I can call jealousy. 

I crawl into my bed and reach for my stuffed bear, her name has been Millie for as long as I can remember. I pull my blanket up and hug her to my chest, staring off at the wall as a warm tear falls from my eye and rolls down to my ear.

For a long time, I just lay there. For some reason, when I decline dinner, Elijah lets me. I can't sleep because I'm scared to have nightmares. So at around 10 or 11 that evening, I tuck Millie under my blanket and walk quietly down into the kitchen, where Sandro is sitting at the island, his eyes glued to his laptop screen, a pen in his hand resting on the piece of paper beside him.

"Can I sit down here with you for a little while?" I ask quietly.

He nods and I sit beside him at the counter quietly. Chase and Jess are talking in the group chat about school and it get's hard to remember that it's only 5 or 6PM over there, so I'd left my phone in my room. Sometimes I wish I had friends here but with everyone being afraid of my brothers, it's hard and seeing Chase and Jess talk about school and their friends back home has made me jealous in a way that I'm not used to and I try not to be sour about it because I don't like bitter feelings, but it gets so hard to keep a positive outlook on everything.

I watch Sandro's hand rest on the paper, and my eye catches the bracelet on his hand. The one with a nickname on it, with the pink strings and the colorful beads, "Did you make this?" I ask curiously.

He doesn't answer for a second, trying to write something down, but once he finishes, he responds, "You made it when you were 2," He answers, "With dad and Elena's help, of course."

"Oh."

I don't know what to say. He's kept a bracelet that I made when I was 2 for this long? "Why?" I ask.

"Why did you make it?" He asks.

I know he knows what I'm talking about it, but I think Sandro has been trying to ease me into being more verbal.

"No, why did you keep it? Even after you guys gave me away?"

His jaw tenses, "Maddie, we didn't give you away. It was..."

But he stops as if he can't truly explain it. 

"Alright," He says finally, "Well, I kept it because I didn't have much else to keep. When Elena left, she took your things with her."

"Was Ale your nickname?" I ask curiously.

"It was yours for me. You couldn't say my whole name and you couldn't say the letter 'S'."

"Ale," I test it out. It sounds like a nice name, "Hm."

I think back to something I overheard Francesco say the other day when he was talking quietly on the phone outside the theater, "Sandro, is...Is dad really dead?"

He doesn't answer immediately. And as he types, I start to wonder if he's just going to tell me to go to sleep or if he even heard me at all. 

He shuts his laptop and picks up what he was working on, "Come with me."

I stand up hesitantly and follow him down the hallway toward his office and follow him inside. He gestures for me to sit down and I do. And after a moment of looking through his desk drawer, he pulls out an envelope and pauses for a second before handing it to me, I don't read it immediately.

"Do you want to read that?" He asks, his eyes narrowed slightly, "Ignorance is bliss, Madison. But if you want to know the truth, I'm not going to stop you."

I want answers, I want an explanation, I want for somebody to tell me something. But I don't know, I only understand that this envelope is gonna be more than I can handle right now, so I slide it back to Sandro, "Not right now"

He nods, setting it back in the drawer and closing it, "Alright." 

And then it's silent as he continues to work on his laptop and before I know it, I guess the sound of the keyboard tapping lulls me to sleep and I'm out.

What must be a couple hours later, I wake up slightly at the feeling of moving as Sandro pulls my blanket back and lays me in my bed. I'm half asleep, but partially aware of the fact that something catches his and I watch as he picks up Millie, looking at her for a moment before setting her beside my pillow and pulling the blanket up to my neck. 

He stays there for a second before walking out of my room.

.    .    .

late update where? 

hey u guys! happy (belated) super bowl lol

the update was supposed to be on time, but yesterday was super busy and we were doing super bowl party prep all day and i was trying so hard to work on this chapter in the car but my laptop died and then things got so busy 😭

give me your thoughts and scene-ideas!

hope you enjoyed, look out next sunday for the update and let me know what you think! <3

(go chiefs! 💗💛)

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