In the Shadows

Part Four: the Gang

The gang began to disperse, and to my surprise, the boys even reached out to me to say goodbye. I was even invited back to 'kick it'. Maddy gave me another prolonged hug, brushing her hands on my face one last time before skipping away to her next class.

What a weird afternoon, I thought to myself. I began walking to the mathematics building. Math of any kind was not my strong suit. Right now, I wasn't feeling completely uneasy about it. I had just had a genuinely good time with some new friends.

I had taken a few confident steps before someone grabbed my arm and barked, "Hey!"

"Cain?" I looked at him in surprise. Why was he so angry?

"What the hell were you doing with them?"

"Having lunch..? Are you seriously mad at me right now?" I yanked my arm out of his grip.

He shook himself off, trying to seem cool. "I'm just looking out for you, newbie. Those guys are not good news. Don't waste your time with those bums."

"Bums?" I laughed, "At least they spent some time with me. You just kiss me and disappear? Don't try to boss me around- "

Cain sucked his teeth, looking around us, before leaning in to whisper, "You're mine. No one here knows you, and if they do, they don't like you. Be a little grateful that I'm keeping you around. Things could change. Fast."

"Are you threatening me?" I said, trying not to let him see how afraid I was beginning to feel. Why wasn't there anyone else around?

The bell rang again, we were supposed to be in class. I wasn't sure what he would do, so I took a step away slowly. Cain had a mischievous grin.

"Have a nice day, newbie." He turned to walk away. I waited to be sure he disappeared before I made my way to the math building. The halls were empty.

I hustled into my classroom. The teacher stood at the front of the class, lowering her glasses at me. She crossed her arm tightly across her chest. Her black button-up was probably two sizes too small, the buttons stretched to stay closed across her stomach. She didn't seem to bother closing her shirt over her sun burnt breasts. Her nose and cheeks glowed a deep red, with dry peeling skin around the rest of her face. She pointed her boney finger at me, then the door, before speaking in a raspy voice.

"Everyone, please get out your worksheets for chapter 3 while I remind Ms. Thorne how to tell time."

    I backed through the door way like a shameful dog. Mrs. Fend followed behind, closing the door, before holding up a clip board to me. It showed a wide spreadsheet of everyone's names in the class, beside each name were dozens of blank boxes.

    "These columns are for your grades. Attendance is a factor. If you are not in your seat by the time the bell rings, I will consider you absent and will not accept your work."

    "That hardly seems fair." I protested. She raised her brows in judgement. There seemed to be a lot of that here.

    "Well, young lady, only one of us is coming back from lunch break smelling like smoke. I suggest you sit closer to the math building if you're worried about being late. Don't bother turning in your homework. Sit at your desk and get to work."

    And so I did. Reaching my desk near the back of class, I dropped my backpack and fell into my seat. Anxiety overwhelmed me. So much happened so quickly, I didn't know what to make of any of it. All I seemed to be capable of for the time being was to stare out the window. As Mrs. Fend rambled on about the quadratic formula, her voice was drowned out by a loud ringing in my ears. The fluorescence above me grew brighter and whiter. My throat felt tighter with each passing moment.

***

    At the end of the day, I hurried to Hannah's car. Walking uphill in the summer sun was no treat, even in Northern California. My eyes were fixed on the ground, hair hanging in my face like a shield. I pulled the edges of my sweater tightly over myself. I had to move quickly - my dizziness hadn't let up since my confrontation at lunch - I was afraid, if I stopped at all, I wouldn't be able to move at all.

    This was supposed to be a new start. Am I drowning?

    I stopped briefly as I passed the front office. A boy was walking towards me, neither of us moved when our paths crossed. I couldn't muster the strength to look up or apologize. We each took a half step to different sides. I saw his hand reach out, as if he wanted to say something.

    I moved quickly, darting across the street towards Hannah's parked car. I could feel hot tears welling up in my eyes. I just want to go home.