𝐀𝐝𝐝 𝐚𝐧 𝐀𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐞 (𝓢𝓸𝓵𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓵𝓸)

Chapter 𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈

It was official: Nico wanted to die.

Sure, it wasn't like he hadn't thought the exact same thing while going through the withdrawal stage of his mother's death, but it was for a completely different reason that time.

Will heard what had been going on in the back of his conversation, meaning he heard the moan. Even if it had only been a joke on Leo's part, Nico was more embarrassed than he had ever been in his whole life.

Walking back into school was mortifying, since Will could be around every corner unless he checked.

"Nico?" Will's voice piped up behind him, causing Nico to jump forward frightenedly. "Oh, sorry! Didn't mean to frighten you!"

Nico placed his hand against his chest, feeling the heartbeat pounding. "No, you're fine. I'm just really jumpy today."

"Was it because of what happened over the call?" Will tilted his head to the side. "I know it was Leo, don't worry. That happened to me while I was calling my mom once."

Nico pursed his lips, still blushing red from embarrassment. "Oh, so I don't have anything to worry about?"

"No?"

"Oh thank goodness."

The next day, Nico met Will in the same spot they always met in, hopefully gaining more paragraphs to his rough draft essay. It was all beginning to come together, mostly piecing together all his feelings about his sister. In his paragraphs, Nico described memories about Bianca's older sister experience, which really showed how much Nico loved her.

"This is a very good essay," Will complimented while staring down at his completed rough draft. "It's only been three study sessions, but I feel like you're improving a lot."

"Thanks, Will." Nico gathered his materials and rounded up the paragraph drafts. "Is tomorrow okay?"

Will cringed at the mention of the next study session, checking his mobile calendar while deciding. "I'm sorry, I've got another game tomorrow. Maybe Wednesday night at 5:30?"

"Yeah, sounds good."

"Nico, why are you freaking out?" Jason asked, staring at the anxious boy pacing around his room with hysteria lingering in his words. "What did you do this time?"

"I said I'm going to watch him play football in a few hours!" Nico ranted the next afternoon, hands raveled up in his scalp. "Now I have to go to a game and pretend I know what's going on!"

Jason blinked. "Why'd you offer to go, then?"

"I don't know!"

"Hey, Bia has been trying to get me out of the house lately," Nico lied, scratching the nape of his neck nervously. "What time is your football game?"

"It's at 6:45," Will responded coolly. "I didn't think you'd be a fan of football."

"I dabble." The words merely slipped without meaning as if a God of Football had taken over Nico's mouth. "Just a bit."

"Cool!" Will grinned widely. "I'll see you there, then!"

"It was really sudden and I felt like I needed to support my f-friend." He sputtered the last word, almost like poison on his tongue.

"Woah, you're not messing around," Jason snickered lightly, earning a smack upside the head from his shorter friend. "You almost called him your friend! That's huge!"

"Yeah, whatever." Nico basically felt disgusted with himself. When his current friend group befriended him–no, more like adopted him–he didn't have much of a say. Their auras just absorbed into Nico, and they all became casual around one another.

With Will, it was just different.

"Jason, I'm going home for a while." Nico escorted himself out the door, waving a short goodbye towards Beryl before leaving.

He needed to clear his mind, but never knew how. There were only two options that helped his mood, but one contained a lot of blood. The last time he slit his wrists, Jason helped him clean up and save him from the fire. It was only a temporary thing with razors, and Nico soon got over it. Still, self-hatred never went away fully.

"Mama?" Nico questioned, seating himself at the kitchen table on his own. His curious eyes gazed across the table, locking in vision with his mother's glossy ones. "Why are you crying? Did I do something wrong again?"

"No," She answered robotically, humming into the glass of wine in her hand. "Don't worry about it, sweetheart. You didn't do anything. It's my fault I'm like this."

"Like what?"

"Look, honey." Maria set the wine glass down on the table, averting her attention to her son. "There are three types of people in this world: The people who love everyone and embrace humans with open arms, the people who hate everyone else and are selfish and cruel, and the people who hate themselves more than anything."

"Really?" Nico cringed. "Which one are you?"

"I'm tired of living, Nico," She responded automatically, downing the rest of the wine and preparing herself for more. "My presence isn't special, and I only cause pain to others."

"That doesn't mean you should stop living!" Nico protested, taking Maria's hand in his childish ones. "You have a purpose in life, just like me! That's what you told Bia and I! Plus, you're very special to me, Bia, and papa! We'd be really sad if you died!"

Maria mustered a small smile, squeezing the little boy's hand. "Thank you, darling. I'll try hard, okay?"

That sent a grin across Nico's face. "Thanks, mama!"

Fast forward to the present, and Nico finally understood where his mother was coming from. The hypocrisy radiating off his parental figures burned like a fire when reminded of his abuse as a kid.

"I didn't deserve it," He whispered to himself as he entered the house. Hades was once again sitting at the table, that time doing taxes. They weren't a particularly rich family, but their lives were moderately happy in financial terms.

"Nico, how was school?" Hades asked, not daring to look up from the paperwork. "Bianca told me you're going to a football game. That's exciting!"

"I don't know if I'm going anymore," Nico whimpered, plastering an arm across his stomach in an attempt to convince his father he was ill. "I don't feel too good."

"Nonsense," Hades scowled. "Nice try, Nico. You're just scared of socializing with people other than your friends. Besides, isn't Jason on the football team?"

"He quit," Nico uttered quietly. "He wanted to focus more on school work instead."

"Why would you go to the football game, then?" Hades questioned, raising his eyebrow as he finally locked eyes with his son. "Is it something else-?"

"No-" Nico sputtered out. "I just thought it'd be a good idea to follow along with the school's events. Obviously, I wasn't thinking when I told you guys I'd be going. I'm not feeling up to it anymore."

Hades sighed, clicking his tongue as he shook his head. "You're going to leave this house one day, Nico. It's best if you try to put yourself out there as soon as possible."

Clomping up the stairs, Nico left his father to his bills at the kitchen table. He stumbled into the bathroom and stared at the medicine cabinet beneath the mirror. Bianca kept her razors in there when she shaved, so they'd still be there, right?

Nico shoved his hand into the cabinet and felt around, his index finger sliding over the razor. A prick sliced through his skin thinly, sending a rush of pain through his hand.

"I forgot how much this hurts," Nico muttered, pulling out the razor to stare at it. "Better late than never."