Razorblade |-/ Tyler Joseph Fic

chapter twenty and a half

She just kept getting worse. It was so hard to watch. She tried her hardest to not complain about the pain, but I think keeping it in hurt her even more. Soon her strange sense of optimism began to wear down until most every night she laid in bed with me, crying silently and trying to sleep the pain away.

Then there was one day where she had another appointment, and came back completely in tears. She had another IV in her bicep, and she looked so, so tired, as if she hadn't slept in days. She called me when she got home, and I hadn't known that she was crying, and I hadn't known about the IV until I reached her house after she invited me over.

"Hey, Ty," she said after I picked up the phone.

"Hey, sweets. How'd it go?"

She just let out a sigh. "Tyler, can you do something for me?"

"Anything," I replied immediately.

"You've seen The Fault In Our Stars, right?"

"Yes," I said carefully.

"You know when Augustus know's he's dying, and he invites Hazel down to the church for his pre-funeral--"

"No, Jesus Christ, Lizzie," I interrupted, running my fingers through my hair. "You know I can't do that."

"Please? It won't be just like the movie. It'll just be you and me. And in my room instead of a church. And in my bed because I'm too tired to get up."

I let out a shaky sigh, trying to keep back my tears. "I--I suppose I can make it."

"I love you, Tyler," she sang before she hung up.

I set my phone aside and held my head in my hands. By the end of the night I'd be a huge fucking emotional mess. I was already pretty unstable, forcing myself to not cry until maybe after I got there, and I just wasn't prepared to say goodbye to her, even if it was just a rehearsal.

But I went down to her house anyways. Her mom's car was gone and most of the lights were off except for the soft glow coming out of Lizzie's window. The front door was locked, so I went around to her room and knocked.

She was laying in her bed, and just motioned me over since she really looked too exhausted to get up.

I slid the window open and climbed inside before shutting it, then looked around her room. It was kind of emptier than normal, as if she had been packing some stuff away, and her lamp was the only light source, which projected a dim, warm light around the room.

"Hey, Ty," she greeted. Then I studied her for the first time that night, and noticed all the small details: the red puffiness around her eyes, the bandage covering her right bicep, the skinniness of her arms and legs.

She was dying really fast.

"Hey," I managed to croak out before I started crying.

"Tyler, please don't," she begged, looking sympathetic. "It's okay, baby. Come lay down with me."

I was shaking really hard and my head was spinning and my heart just ached. I was so not ready for any of this. But I walked over and crawled into bed with her nonetheless. I didn't hesitate in wrapping her in my arms and holding her tight against me, squeezing my eyes shut and pressing kisses to the top of her head.

"It's going to be okay," she whispered, holding my hand and stroking it with her thumb. "Everything's going to be just fine."

I nodded and kept my eyes shut, but it was hard to believe anything other than the fact that she would be gone within weeks.

After I had calmed down enough to loosen my grip and hear her out, she sat up and turned to face me. She smiled at me through the tears in her eyes, then held one hand against my face before leaning in and giving me a soft kiss.