Razorblade |-/ Tyler Joseph Fic

chapter nine

She missed school again on Monday so she could go to her appointment. Around lunch time, I sent her a couple snapchats. I told her to remember that I loved her and that I wanted her to be healthy. I sat with Josh at a picnic table outside for lunch, since the grass was wet from the rain the previous night. I talked with Josh as if things were normal, but in all honestly, I kept having these lyrics flowing through my head. I had ended up writing some sort of song while I was worrying about Lizzie, and the words I'm a goner came up a lot. I thought I'd set it to piano or something.

Just after gym class ended, Lizzie sent me a text:

You should stop by after school ends. I miss you.

I'm not sure why, but that text alone sent butterflies through my stomach. The fact that she still wanted to see me was just unfathomable to me for whatever reason. Maybe I was just relieved that she wasn't pushing me away anymore.

So I drove Josh to his house first to drop him off, then wasted no time going over to Lizzie's. Per the norm, I knocked and her mom answered, and then I went up to her room. I tapped lightly on the door and then entered after I heard her quiet "Come in."

I smiled upon seeing her, all sprawled out on the mattress, then went and sat next to her on the bed after she sat up. "You okay?" I asked. I gave her a soft kiss on the cheek.

She nodded, then played some music on her phone before setting it on the table. "Can you just lay here with me?" she asked.

My stomach practically melted. "Yeah, of course," I replied. I laid down and then wrapped my arms around her as she joined me, humming along to the music. "When's the operation going to be?" I had to ask.

She just shrugged. "They said they'll call next week."

I pressed my lips to her shoulder. "If it means anything," I said warily, "I'm really proud of you for going through with it."

"Yeah?" she asked.

I gave her another kiss, right on her jawline and under her ear. "Yeah. I know you didn't want to do this, but I think you'll be glad you did."

She didn't say anything, and she only moved when the album ended and she shuffled another one.

"Are you coming back to school tomorrow?" I asked hopefully.

She shook her head. "No, I don't think I can finish out the year."

I blinked in surprise. "You mean you're not graduating?"

"I dunno, Tyler." She sighed. "I mean, we only have, what, a month and a half left? By the time these antibiotics have kicked in and I feel good enough to go back to school, it'll be time for my surgery, and god knows how long it'll take me to recover from that."

I could hardly comprehend this. She wouldn't be at school again. Our last year of high school together, and she wouldn't even be there for the last month. But I just sighed and exhaled against her neck. "That kind of sucks."

She laughed a bit, but it quickly turned into a cough, so I closed my eyes with a cringe and held onto her tighter. "Yeah, it does," she replied.

I tried so hard to keep my tears back. My throat was tightening up and I couldn't speak without crying. So I just kissed her again, in that crevice between her neck and her shoulder.

Then she turned around so she could face me, giving me a look of sympathy before curling up against my chest. I closed my eyes tight and held onto her even tighter. It was so fucking unfair that such a beautiful person was cursed with such an ugly future.

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Lizzie came over after I got home from school for the next few days, and she was usually waiting up in the treehouse for me by the time I got there. She had started bringing a bigger backpack now; she had to fit the bottle of medication for her IV, and then an oxygen tank, which traveled through the cannula up to her nose. She didn't need to wear it while she was sitting down, though, the cannula; she just had to bring it with for when she went walking. So I guess she could have been worse.