What Life Is

Noise

I have always wondered what the inner monologue of others sounded like
I know how mine sounds
It is not pretty at all
Perhaps others have nice music or a soothing voice in their head
I have television static and distant screams in mine
There is not a single moment of silence to be found within me
Not a moment where my mind can rest
I can't even find a second of rest between exhales
I also see pictures in my head
They aren't artful or profound
They are complex and terrifying
I see every worst case scenario
I experience every intrusive thought via a movie in my mind
I see and hear what is going on inside my head
And I am reminded that I may be a horrible person because of it
Others think I am a good person
But they don't know what I think
They don't know the things that plague my mind
Everything in my head
The static
The screams
The pictures
Everything
Meshes together and all I can think about is the noise
It's all noise
Nothing bright
Nothing happy
Just noise
Suffocating every thought
Grasping my throat and heart and squeezing
Until I hope everything goes black
Then white
But it doesn't happen that way
I am plagued, then to live
To live with the feeling of suffocation and pain
And that is much worse than death
At least in death
The noise will be gone