Fate Interrupted

19. Decision Time

Gio

MAY 1998

After school, I got in my car and drove over to Ren's house. We've been taking separate cars recently, even though I missed picking her up. Ever since she told me about going to that college in New York, things had felt... different between us.

It was my fault, and I knew it. I was distancing myself, pulling away. But that's because I was trying to protect myself. I knew what was going to happen. I'd known it deep down since she got that letter. She was gonna leave... and take the best part of me with her.

I was trying to see if I could get that back—to the me I was before I met her, but it wasn't working.

As I got closer to her house. That all too familiar sense of impending disaster was taking hold of me again. My chest tightened, and my heart rate felt unnaturally fast. My anxiety was getting a bit out of hand recently.

Something needed to give, and even though I didn't want to know what it would be like to live without her, I was so tired of being in limbo—carrying around this painful, pitiful hope in my heart that she might just change her mind and stay with me. I needed a decision from her tonight.

I knew it was stupid to hope for that. I knew what I was supposed to do. Tell her to go.  It was in her best interest to choose the school in New York. But I was still so selfish back then. I thought our love was special—fated to last forever. That we both needed each other more than she needed that school. But the truth was... only I needed her like that.

Pulling my car up in her driveway, I took deep breaths to steady myself. I didn't know how I would cope if she told me no.

When I got to her house, I just knocked and went in. I'd been coming over at least one night a week to hang out with Ren's dad and watch a sports game. It started at the beginning of the school year when football season began, but he and I enjoyed it so much that it kinda became a tradition. Tonight, the NBA playoffs were on, but I wasn't sure I'd actually be staying to watch. Fuck that made me so sad! I wasn't just going to lose her. I was going to lose her whole family. Ren's dad came over to greet me.

"How's it going, Gio?" he said with a concerned face.

I swallowed the huge knot in my throat the look in his eyes gave me. "Fine," but my voice cracked a little at the end.

"Hey there, buddy. It'll be okay," he said, pulling me into a hug and wrapping his arms around me. I might be almost as tall as him now, but he's still a big guy, and damn it, it... it felt good.

Too good.

The knot came shooting back up to the top of my esophagus, and I knew if he hugged me any longer, I'd break down and cry. I couldn't do that, so I pushed him away.

"I'm gonna go see Ren now," I said, my voice deep and raspy.

Walking up her stairs felt like a walk to the executioners. I got to her door and peeked through the crack. I saw her on her bed, nervously playing with the necklace I had given her—zipping it back and forth along the chain around her neck. I pushed the door open, and the awful dread in my belly intensified.

"Hey, Ren," I said, not meeting her eyes. It felt wrong to call her babe recently, though that's what I'd been calling her every day for over a year. The atmosphere was already strained. I took a seat on her bed.

"Hey," she sighed, not looking right at me either.

Just a few weeks ago, we'd be in each other arms and making out on her bed practically before we'd even properly said hello. Now, we were sitting three feet apart—staring at our shoes.