Through her eyes

CHAPTER ONE

"Why can't I just go to the state college, I don't want to go all the way to another country just for school. I want to be here with you" i explained to my mum while following her round the whole house

"You don't get it, I work everyday and the only time I'm free is when I take leave, I take up other peoples work so I can pay your fees. I love you so much but you need this, we both need this." She explains and walks into the kitchen

"If you don't have time to be with me then why can't you send me to my father, maybe he will have time for me" I follow her into the kitchen

"When will you get it, your father doesn't want you. You don't know what that man has put us through, you were still a child. He left when you were two, I remember you holding onto his bag when you asked where he was going, but he lied like he always does. He said he was going to buy you barber dolls and he never came back" she cried

"I just want you to have a better life than me, in trying my best Annabelle and you know I am. I don't want you to be huddled up in this apartment, go out, have friends. You only live once, you are only young once. Have a great college life and come back with an excellent degree and then I won't have to work again because you and you brother will do all the work" she hugged me

I know she is right, she always is. I remember when my dad left sixteen years ago, he said he wanted a better life and we were only draining him. At that time my mum was a housewife, she had nothing and when he left, we all had nothing but each other.

Then one day, all of a sudden my mum picked herself up and got a job, she saw us all through school. She never wanted us to work, she wanted us to be like our mates, carefree teenagers.

Whenever I tell her that I'm thinking of getting a job her response is always the same

'Leave the thoughts for me Annabelle, if you need something just tell me. I need you to have your full focus on your education and your talents, that's the only way you can support me'

My mum is like my superwoman and I can't think of leaving her

Which she is forcing me to do, she wants me to go to a whole different place for college and I can't do that. I know she wants be to be like every other teenager but I don't like public spaces I just want an online class on my bed

But..... I'll go to wherever she wants me to go because I love her and I don't want to be too difficult to her

I solemnly pack my bags for college, already missing my own room and my mum, how she laughs loudly at weird people in public, her delicious cooking

Fuck I'm already tearing up and I'm not even leaving today. At least college will be fun, I hope. I mean I have watched grownish and after and it seems like you don't have to read to know shit in college, I just pray it's like that

I'm leaving tomorrow morning, my mum has something against leaving in the afternoon, we always leave four am, she says that it's better to be very early that late because late people always get unwanted attention

I lay on my bed with my air pods in, blasting doja cat on the loudest volume. I find it ironic that even after all my dad has done, my mum forgave him

She never took him back but she forgave him. When I asked her why all she said was that  ' sweetie, I'll rather forgive an idiot than be tied to him with burdening memories, things happen, people change. You don't have to give them second chances but don't burden yourself with memories of them. Just let it go' she said

She is literally so perfect, I took off my air pods before going to bed, I don't want to be scolded for sleeping with them

I wonder how college will be. I just hope I can graduate without having any attention on me, I want to be like a ghost student

My mum doesn't pay my fees to be a celebrity, she pays them for me to make her proud and popularity comes with disturbance and distractions

That's so much thinking for one day, I'm sure my brain is so tired right now. No matter how hard college is, I'll persevere for my parents