Lost In The Darkness {Edited}

Chapter - 28

“Van. Matthew, it's Van. I am slipping, Matt. Fuck, I don't know what I'll do. I'm fighting it, but damn it, I can't for too long. Help me before I hurt someone” I whispered, not wanting anyone to hear me.

“Fuck! I am coming. Is Nico with you? He went home earlier.”

In response, I just hummed. Everyone is here. All of my brothers and Marco. They up and left everything after what happened.

“Ok. Can you pass him the phone for me?”

I continue to hum, warring with my thoughts to drown the demons clawing out of me. Passing the phone to Nicolo, I continued to pace around, while counting from 1 to 10 repeatedly in my head.

One

Two

There

Four

Five

........ Ten.

“You didn't cry”

“I hate you”

“I lost them. Vanessa, I lost them.”

The pain in her words gutted my insides. I hurt her. I am the reason she is in so much pain. They did this to her to punish me.

“I am sorry Em. I am so sorry.” I tried to reach for her, but she flinched away from my touch.

I disgust her. She is disgusted with me. Her hatred filled eyes were wrecking my mind, burning my tattered soul alive.

And, I can't even blame her. It's my fault, all my fucking fault.

“You don't deserve to apologise. Not after what you did. Not after you killed them. You killed them, Vanessa. You fucking killed them.”

“I had no choice. They gave me no choice.” Every word I choked out was true, yet at the same time, a big fat lie.

“You had a choice. You had a fucking choice.” She wailed, sobbing at the loss that should have never been hers.

A pain that should have been mine to bear, a loss I was supposed to grieve. And now, it's hers.

“You are a monster.”

“You are a fucking monster.”

“... like a monster, she laughed.” And just like that, I was out of the trance, but still failing to regain my calm composure.

Not wanting to relive the cruel memory any longer, I listened to Angelo speaking; Focusing on his words to drown out the voices in my head.

Monster...he called me a monster. The same thing my mind was screaming at me.

“Angelo, I said get the fuck out.” Nicolo threatened. Are they arguing? Why are they arguing?

“I tried to warn you, Nic. Don't come crying to me later.” Angelo walked out, slamming the door on his way back.

“Dante, can you and everyone also leave?”

No one said anything, but the shuffling of footsteps was enough to know that they decided to heed to Nicolo's request.

Nicolo kept quiet, closing the door after making sure that no one was outside and really left.

“Do you want something?”

He asked, after a long moment of silence.

“What I want is something you can't give me.”

It was true. I wanted peace, a serenity to think of anything to clean the spilled milk.

I reacted badly. This is not how I actually under pressure, but something changed. Is it my tiredness? Or is my lack of sleep the reason I acted childishly?

Instead of keeping my calm, I stressed myself to the point of slipping away. Thankfully, I didn't. It would have brought more chaos and messed everything more.

I would rather relive the painful memories knowing they are memories than slip away. I can't afford that.

“Huh?” I realised Nicolo asked me something, but I was too lost in my mind to hear him.

“I said try me. You might not believe this, but I am your brother. Even if you ask me to kill someone, I'll do it without any questions asked.”

“That is concerning.”

He laughed before saying, “too far?”

“Considering that you know me since only a week, it seriously is too far.” I attempted to joke, glad that I don't have to worry about everyone watching me.

And a little bit glad? Because he is not asking anything or looking at me as if ...

As if I'm a monster. An abomination.

Instead, there's something else in his eyes.. something I have never seen or experienced before from my bloodline.

Care. Worry.

Love.

________________________________________

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Ms_CornSalad❤️