The Human Condition - Fallout 4 | OC x Danse |

23. atom bomb(s) baby

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

The following days were all a blur.

I had successfully convinced Dr. Li to work on Liberty Prime, kicking the project back into full gear. Proctor Quinlan had stopped by my barracks, going on about how incredible it was that I'd retrieved the Institute data — he mentioned it was no small feat, and that the data they'd received would take weeks to get through. I just nodded along, more distracted these days than not, going through all the necessary motions.

Still, I had made no small name for myself in the Brotherhood ranks. Other Knights and Scribes had began whispering and pointing at me as I passed, often pinpointing me as the one that went to the Institute and survived. I'd gotten begged at the mess hall to recount the tale by dozens of people I hardly knew. I tried to be as vague as possible and let them know that it was difficult to recall all the details, you know, with teleportation 'disassembling me by the molecules' and all that. They seemed disappointed, but mostly respected my words. 

Even Knight Rhys had passed by me one day, offering a stiff nod. "Congratulations on your successful mission, Knight," he managed tersely. "Can't believe you made it back in one piece."

I crossed my arms. "Disappointed?" 

"Slightly. But more impressed," he admitted, dipping his head. "...Ad Victoriam, soldier."

"Ad Victoriam," I repeated in shock, watching him walk away. 

"That's as much as you'll get from him." Haylen had then walked up to me, nudging my arm with a smirk. "But even that much tells me he's a lot more impressed than he lets off. We're grateful to have you back, Jane."

"Thanks." I smiled at her, but my face immediately fell once more when she left. 

There was no shortage of things to do and errands to run, so at least my mind stayed busy. I took Dogmeat out with me any chance I could, the German Shepherd anxiously pounding the dirt with his paws everyday at the prospect of getting in the action.

Each mission I was sent on with Danse ended up being more awkward than intended, but he continued working as usual, not acknowledging our moment together once. I had burned with the urge to ask him how he was feeling, what he was thinking — but I gritted my teeth and kept the words to myself, following his command: Focus on the mission. We can't afford to be distracted at a time like this...

Last thing I wanted to do was screw him over. At this point, I felt exhausted enough that I could personally retire from the faction, having gotten the one thing I was looking for (in perhaps the worst possible way). But he, on the other hand... it was his life. I didn't want to step in the way of that.

Just as Haylen had said about Rhys that one day at the police station, many months ago now: There's no room for anything else in his heart but the Brotherhood. No surprise it was that way with Danse. If Haylen had learned to not take it personally, so should I. 

But that didn't exactly stop my heart from wrenching every time I tried to meet his eyes and he just looked away, face stuck in its trademark stoicism. I expected it and hell, I even knew it was the right thing to do — and yet it still felt like daggers in my chest. Staring hopefully at the person you'd grown to love, only to find an emotionless wall. Guess that wouldn't change for awhile now. 

On top of all that, I still had Shaun to worry about. To keep any suspicions away, I'd stop by the Institute here and there, somehow managing to cover up with a story about missing that one mission with the Courser. I told them I'd gotten caught up with a Deathclaw or two, and the Courser had just completed the mission without me. Shaun seemed a bit skeptical, but vouched for me nonetheless. Which made it all the harder to report back to the Prydwen after my visits, gushing out any information I could about my son's lifelong work.