The Human Condition - Fallout 4 | OC x Danse |

10 - times have changed

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

I had hesitated, causing Danse to peer at me curiously. I quickly made up for it by smirking, returning to my usual inflection. "...So there is a heart beating under all that armor after all," I quipped, covering it up.

Danse shook his head, chuckling. "I suppose I deserve that. I just don't normally find these discussions easy to handle, so I try to avoid them at all costs. The truth is... I'm worried about her." He cleared his throat, returning to his serious tone. "Since you and I are getting along so well, I felt like I could confide in you about it... to get your honest opinion."

I nodded calmly, though every part of me was screaming the obvious question: is there something between them? I couldn't picture it — besides Danse being about as stoic as they come, I also knew very well that it was forbidden in the Brotherhood. Too distracting, against decorum... Is that why he's confiding in me, figuring out how to tell her how he feels despite the situation?

And if it's true... why the hell do I feel so awful about it?

But I plastered on a forced friendly face instead, pushing down the impulsive thoughts that threatened their way out of my throat. "...I appreciate that you value my opinion so highly," I acknowledged; it was the truth. Knowing this renowned Paladin was confiding in me was enough to make me feel honored over the whirlwind that had entered my head. "...Tell me what's on your mind."

Danse nodded in appreciation. "Let me explain everything from the beginning. A few months before you found us, one of my men was shot multiple times by Raiders. Haylen stayed by that Knight's side for two days straight without sleep, fighting to keep him alive... but he was on a slow decline."

I frowned, knowing where this was going. It had only been him, Rhys, and Haylen at the station when I showed up; it didn't take a genius to guess what happened to the others.

"I decided that his suffering needed to end and ordered Haylen to administer an overdose of painkillers so that he could die with dignity." His voice had lowered, tinged with something that sounded akin to... shame, perhaps? He paused a moment before continuing again. "Even though I'm certain she wanted to continue fighting for that Knight's life... she injected him without question."

Sympathy welled in my chest. Any decision like that was far from easy. "...She did the right thing," I confirmed.

"Of course she did." Danse replied grimly. "But the decision whether or not to ease that soldier's suffering isn't the point here. The point is what happened later that same evening."

I nodded again, urging him to go on in his hesitation. Don't quit on me now, I thought, knowing this man was all too quick to shut down personal admissions.

"...Haylen approached me while I was on watch. She didn't say a word, but I could tell something was wrong. After what felt like an eternity, she collapsed into my arms, crying." He looked down as he recounted, as if seeing the scene before him. "I... didn't know what to do, so I just held her for awhile."

There that feeling was again. Like a tightened twist in my chest.

"...A few minutes later, she stopped, kissed me on the cheek and simply said 'thank you'. Then she headed back into the police station. Right then it hit me... maybe I pushed her too hard. I ordered her to ignore her instincts. To do something her medical training told her was wrong. That's why I'm worried about her... and for that matter, everyone under my command."

Then it clicked. "...This isn't about Haylen, isn't it?" I murmured slowly, peering at him.

"No... it isn't." He cleared his throat again, looking down. "Look, four soldiers... over half my team, are gone. Each one of them died because of decisions that I made. I understand the risks that come with the job, we all do. But how can anyone have confidence in me anymore? Hell... how can I have confidence in myself?"