The BILLY bobby story

The Delectable Chest Hairs mmmmmm

billy bobby jones internal monologue

What has my life come to, being dragged across crusty cement floors, eating these delicious chest hairs, subjecting myself to such harsh environments and treatments... When shall this end... When will I finally be able to fly like a little baby dove... When. Will. I. Live. All my life I've been only surviving when I should have been thriving and living out my dreams.... When did all of my suffering begin... What did I ever do to deserve all that I have deserved. This situation is painful yet delectable at least. It's possibly a form of payback, karma, and revenge from the world for all that I have given. I have done so much to deserve this, yet, what have I done to deserve this... World, why oh why have you subjected me to this amazing delicious and crunchy chest hair... Yes, it is the utmost best carbon follicle I have laid my wet, porous, moist, and grey tongue upon. When will my life begin? Why must this world make me suffer (with enjoyment) and make me admit that I am indeed enjoying this experience and the taste of someone else's chest hairs. I wish I could have a scarf of bleached chest hair all to myself, no wait... I should aim big! An entire BLANKET made of chest hairs! I could snuggle in those warm and fuzzy and thick and curly hairs all night long. I won't even have to get out of bed for a midnight snack! Maybe I can learn to incorporate my love for these delicious, smelly, and absolutely pungent follicles into my fashion. Think about it... Hairy socks! They'll keep your cute little toes all nice and soft because of how insulating and moist the environment will be. We will no longer need to be scared of monsters creeping up to our beds and snatching our feet when we have those bad boys on. Or even bracelets made of chest hair! It's to represent the maximum statistic of affection and love... What's more romantic than having your significant other's DNA on your wrist 24/7! Oh how I wish I could do that... If only I wasn't single and sad and oh-so-lonely. This world has made me completely incompatible with any other person and species in the entire universe! No one here appeals to me. I want a person with a hefty amount of crunchy chest hair. However, the texture must be just right. It can't be too moist so that I can slurp it down like spaghetti. It also can't be too crunchy so that they evaporate into dust when I touch them. They also have to be easy to bite off, if the roots are too strong, I can't eat them. When will I find the perfect person with the perfect chest hair, perfect face, perfect wealth, and perfect fashion. Now that I see myself, I must question what I'm doing. These shabby clothes are so dirty and non high fashion. Why have you birthed me into a family that only gives me pants? Why am I not wearing a shirt? If only I had made 1 better decision, I wouldn't be living out this horridly amazing scenario... Nevermind... Maybe this is just a stepping stone for my journey to becoming the most powerful person on Earth. Not even just Earth, Mars and the Sun too. I have wanted nothing in life, but to have the world revolve around me and myself and my existence and every little thing about my life. Why can't I just have everything just handed to me. I've been so humble all my life.. Why is this where I end up in life. I have done absolutely nothing to deserve to have the honour of inhaling all these chest hairs. This experience makes me so happy.. I think I want to marry BILLY BOBBY JOHN, just so I can wax his chest and have his chest hairs day and night. Oh my mac and cheese and stroodels!! This chest hair is just so delicious and delectable, I'm about to pass out from the flavours melting on my tongue.. I can feel my conscious fading away. Is this my end? Suffocating and choking and ingesting and overdosing on fluffy chest hairs?