SADNESS (sunny's awesome drawings, notes, & exclusive short stories!)

my oc being depressed compilation top 10 moments like and subscribe

WARNING for death/loss/grieving/self removal from the census?

also this is not my AU so it's not necessarily canon unless potato likes it

no...no, he can't be dead, this must be a misunderstanding! he can't be gone...

please, tell me he's not gone...

please, tell me he's okay...

he brought everyone together. without him i would've never met so many people.

without him, i would've never been in love.

without him, i can't be in love.

without him, there's nothing.

i can't go downstairs because it makes me think of him and when i think of him i cry.

i can't open the group chat because i remember it was him who started it.

i can't talk to her (and i doubt she could talk to me either) because then i think of us and then i think of him and then my tears start to fall and i break down.

i break down because i'll never see his face again.

why did he have to leave? i ask myself. every day, when i wake up and when i go to sleep and when i eat and when i move and when anything happens that's what i think.

how couldn't he see how this would destroy us? i ask, and i begin to resent him, but when i resent him it hurts more because i could've been there and maybe it's my fault somewhere down the line? maybe if i'd never came along he would still be okay?

but then i cry again.

my cheeks are (most likely permanently) tear-stained, and my eyes have bags under them because i hardly ever sleep, and when i do i dream about him and then i wake up and i cry again. my whole body shakes when i try to move, so it feels almost like i'm going through withdrawal.

in a sense, i am.

i can't do anything. i haven't left the house for more than fifteen minutes in what-three weeks? i think. it might as well be three years.

i don't know how it's affecting my friends.

do i even want to?

they'll just make me think of him again.

they'll just make me cry again.

every day i wake up alone. every night, i go to sleep alone. every thought i have leads back to him. how i wish that he could hold me just one more time. i would kill just to hear his voice once more. i'd die just to feel the touch of his hands.

that thought leads to another, and that other thought leads to another one, and i find myself trailing back to someplace or something, to what could be my savior.

and while i always talk myself out of it, or more realistically, find myself nearly passed out from lack of sleep or water or food or anything, i still yearn. i still walk back. i still wish.

i still wish i wasn't so much of a coward.

i still wish i could just grab on to something dangerous. something enticingly dangerous.

and i wish i could find him.

the savior that i've spoken of, now when nights blur with days and nothing's bright anymore because even the sun has lost her shine...it wouldn't be someone new, not acceptance or somebody else or something to replace the thoughts...

it's whatever could take me where he is.

i wish this had never happened.

i wish i didn't have to do this.

i wish you were still here.

i'm coming...

i'm coming back to you, marker...

goodbye, world.

your sun is setting...