Jobe
It has been six days since Isie died, four days since her funeral. It still doesn't feel real, it's like I'm in some sort of nightmare and I can't wake up. The funeral has been the only thing on my mind. I couldn't even say a proper goodbye. I'm such a sorry excuse of a person.
Flashback to Isie's funeral
Isie lay in her coffin wearing the fancy white and gold dress she never got to go to the mall in. From a different perspective she looked like a sleeping angel who didn't want to be disturbed but I wanted to distub her, I wanted to wake her up and see her beautiful brown eyes one more time, I wanted to see her flash that alluring smile of her's one more time, I wanted to tell her that I love her one more time but I couldn't, it simply wasn't possible.
I was asked to give a eulogy which I thought I could do but I was wrong...
"Isie is-" I started but my mouth went dry and my a lump formed in my throat. Isie was. Not is. My head spun at this realisation that I had to refer to Isie in the past tense because she is gone but I still couldn't wrap my head around that fact, so I ended up leaving the podium and returning to my seat at the back of the church. After that I didn't even hear what was said for the rest of the service because my mind was replaying the memories that Isie and I shared only after my mum tapped me on my shoulder was I pulled out of my daze.
End of flashback
Weeks passed and apart from school, I didn't go anywhere. School on it's own is really depressing, the seat next to me in english remains empty but everyday I imagine her sitting beside me and scribbling away on her notebook. I even quit the football team - what was the use of playing if my biggest cheerleader wasn't there to watch me play and cheer me on?
After a lack of communication from my side, my mum and Jude flew to back home to try and talk to me. Everyday they'd try play therapist with me and today was no different
"How are you doing?" my mum asked. I didn't answer but just stared at her. How does she think I'm doing?
"We can't change God's will, Jobe. Isie is in a better place now." Jude said
"Just shut up! How do you know that she's in a better place, you're not the one who's dead right? And if this was God's will why didn't he take me too? Does God want me to suffer all my life? If this was God's will she wouldn't be dead, she'd still be here with me" I screamed at him
"Calm down honey, I know that it isn't easy right now, but things will get better with time" my mom gently said, but to me it sounded like someone was scratching a chalkboard with a fork to put it in plain words - it drove me nuts.
"Fuck off. Both of you" and with that I left the room
I debated on whether to leave the house or not but eventually decided to leave since I couldn't stand my family's presence.
Why did you leave me? Did heaven really need you more than I do Isie?
I went to Isie's grave and I found fresh flowers lay on her tombstone meaning that someone had been there - it must be Aurie and her dad. I made a mental note to go see them after since I haven't been to their house since Isie died. I know it's selfish of me but no matter how hard I tried to convince myself to go see her, my heart would refuse because Aurie reminds me too much of Isie.
Now I'm standing in front of her grave, and for the first time in weeks. I cry. All the emotionst that have been pent up in me are released as a sea of tears.
"What the fuck Isie? You have no idea how angry I am at you right now, why did you have to die? You know I can't do this whole life without you. You were supposed to - no, we were supposed to be together till infinity and beyond but you just left me. Were you so eager to leave me that you didn't even think about saying goodbye?" I rant
"My heart hurts. Everything hurts." I cry even harder
After my trip to the cemetery, I find myself standing in front of the Collins' residence, reconsidering my decision of coming here but deep down I know that I have to do this, so I knock on the wooden door...
"Learning to live without you is a lesson I never wanted to learn"
YOU ARE READING
Stay With Me || JOBE BELLINGHAM
Fanfiction"I only ever thought that there were only two kinds of love The kind you'd kill for and the kind you'd die for But you, my darling You were the kind of love I'd live for"
