Heartbreak | bxb angst

Chapter 16

The morning Jude received Vinny's text message, bluntly stating his lack of need of Jude's usual help in taking him to campus, Jude was barely awake as she already felt the tears starting to pool yet again. Of course he wouldn't want to see her. He had quite literally explained how little the feelings he had for her, if there is even any that he's harboring other than the now developed spite for Jude.

Seeing her phone battery is low, she plugged to charge it before beginning to search for her mother who had left her spot next to Jude. As Jude stood up she immediately felt her head spin. Just how little did she sleep last night? She didn't know, and didn't really care either. Though something in her stomach is churning and threatening a gag out of her. She cleared her throat instead and made her way downstairs.

The sight of packed boxes weren't exactly what she was looking for. Looking at them too long seemed to twist and squeeze her stomach around even more, so she tried her best to ignore it and got to the kitchen, seeing her mother chopping up some vegetables. Her eyes lingered a little too long on the blade, just for a little while that Jude herself barely noticed.

"Mom."

Her mother seemed startled.

"Jude. You're awake already?"

The look of confusion on Jude's face must've been apparent, because her mother soon continued to explain herself,

"I just.. I don't think you've slept enough."

Jude furrowed her eyebrows. "I always wake up at this time."

"You weren't asleep yet by midnight, honey." her mother said as she placed the knife down to take a proper look at her child.

It was noticeable that Jude's aura had shifted. She has always been pale, but her skin seemed to lack the lively colors around her cheeks. Her eyes were swollen. But they were mostly empty, also dull with a dark tint under them. It was like she was looking at a completely different person, as if the real Jude had actually left yesterday and never really returned.

"I think you should stay home today." her mother looked away and begun to chop again despite the vegetables being chopped enough already. It was against her best interest but she couldn't bear to look at her daughter at this moment without feeling her heart shatter.

"No. There's an important class today, I can't miss it."

Her mother could only nod.

"Get yourself ready then, breakfast will be ready once you're done."

-

Jude couldn't decide which would hurt more, freezing cold or scalding hot water. Either one of them seemed mild compared to the pain she's feeling inside so it didn't really matter which one she chooses. Settling with cold water, she stepped in her shower.

Her entire body felt grimy. As she let the water pour onto her, at first jolting at the temperature, she first scrubbed her face immediately noticing how crusty her eyes had gotten. The water felt like it was cleaning her off of her sins from yesterday, but not closely enough.

She rushed as she got some soap and started to lather it. A sharp pain appeared on her right thumb. That was when she noticed the red and raw skin on the sides of it, with visible red marks that broke skin. She must've fidgeted too much. Maybe it was time to cut her nails. When was the last time she took care of herself? Maybe that's why Vinny looked so disgusted.

The stinging on the wound felt like a deserved punishment, so she beared with it as she continued washing herself.

Jude spent too long in the shower, but she had to do what she had to, to clean off everything from yesterday that had stuck to her body. Anything minuscule that would remind her of yesterday, she needed it gone.