Love is Tough

Chapter 24

Phillip wasn't at school today either. I was actually glad he wasn't. I didn't want to bump into him. I decided not to tell Dan, which started to work out, but I blew it. He saw right through me that something was bothering me. I had to them him.

"Stef. I'm so sorry. I won't tell Phillip."

"Thanks. But do you think I made a right decision?" I asked.

"I can't answer that."

i spent the rest of lunch with Danny and his swim-mates.

Randy and I have gotten to be great friends. We have favorite taste in TV shows, and we crack each other up. We both laugh at our own jokes. But I really don't hope that Randy sees us together as a couple. He's like a brother to me. Weird that I kissed him, when he seems like a brother... I don't want to talk about it.

I got home, and Daisy was freaking about the date with Andrew. Daisy and mom also had to promise not to talk about what happened in the morning.

Daisy and I decided to go to the mall. We found the perfect outfit for her to wear at Century 21. Andrew said to go casual but also classy. The two C words I know and love. She looked so amazing. She hugged and thanked me for the hundredth time about helping her and was picked up by Andrew. Once I met Andrew, I knew he was going to be a great guy to my sister. He is such a stud! I was basically home alone tonight.

Mom and Rocky went to Chad and Derek's college to check up on them, dad is off at work. I spent the night doing homework, drinking coffee, texting Wade, and watching old TV shows.

Wade had to go to sleep early because he has a driver's test in the morning. He's been studying up, not that he really needs too.

I guess I knocked out all through Saturday. There wasn't anything new. I haven't talked to Phillip since Thrusday night. Man, do I miss him. I didn't think that would be the last time to see him, or hold him. If I knew it would be the last time, I would never have pulled away. But I do know Phillip's been wondering why I haven't been calling. He's been calling Dan constantly, asking if he's alright, asking about me. Dan lies and says nothing, that he hasn't been talking to pme because he wants to be alone from the break up situation. But Dan constantly tells me to tell him, to talk to him. He told me that it is enough that my dad manipulated me into being on his side about AOPA. Dan told me that I shouldn't stop seeing Phillip. He told me that I already took a bullet for one thing and not to take two. He was telling the truth. One interesting thing happened one Saturday. Daisy told me about her date. It was so amazing. It was at a restaurant, a Chinese restaurant to be exact. She had a wonderful time. I found them kissing at 1AM when I came down to get a drink of water on Friday. Oh Daisy. They have another date planned for next month, because their both working on weekends now, and busy, busy, busy. It a really long away date, but they do see each other when getting coffee.

Today, Sunday was the first day, I got a call from AOPA reminding me that my first semester was going to be September 5. I have to leave June 25, because I wanted to be at home in Chicago, I want to get used to my Aunt's place, I wanted to get used to the environment. My family would be coming in August, like we always do every summer.

Today was also the first day I got a call from Phillip himself. I obviously did not pick up. He left a voicemail, which taunted me to listen to it, to hear his voice in my ear. To hear him clear his throat, if needed, to hear him inhale and exhale. I missed him, and not seeing him was eating me alive.

Monday strolled in by fast. Monday and Tuesday will be our trip. Part of me doesn't want to see Phillip show up to this thing, but a bigger part of me wanted to hug him and never let go, wanted him to come to this trip. It turns out the bigger part of me was right. He was finally at school. He shaved and looked sexier than before. We were all gathering up in a line to go on the bus. The bus seats obviously only can take two people per seat, so we lined up in partners. I was one of the last ones on the line, because of coming in late. Phillip was being a pain in the butt for Ms. Robinson; he told her that he won't get on the bus without me being his partner. A bunch of girls told him they could sit next to them. He wouldn't do it. Once I came, Ms. Robinson was thrilled that I finally made it. I asked saying that I did not want to sit next to him, but she didn't care, we were going to be late than ever. I had the window sit and immediately, I put my ipod on, and blasted the music on. I saw Phillip starring at me which made my heart ache, and beat faster than ever. We kept having awkward eye contact, me starring at him, then him starring at me while I looked away, vica versa. I fell asleep but woke up to a big bump that made a lot of noise on the bus. My music had stopped, and I heard Phillip talking.

"She makes me laugh. She's sweet, funny, independent, she's always there for her friends. She everything to me." I peeked one eye open and saw him talking to two girls across from one seat back. "Steffani is not like most girls. She's different and being with her has changed me. I'm a lucky guy for her to be mine. Relationships are tough, but I will be beside her though anything and everything, like she's been doing with me. Did I answer your question?"

"Yeah, whatever." The girls mumbled. He turned back around and I shut my eyes. I felt his eyes linger around me. I felt him move a strand of hair out of my face. I felt his lips press against my cheek. He whispered in my ear, "you're everything to me... I. I lov-" he stopped. It felt like he moved away. He was going to tell me he loves me... My heart ache just thinking about everything he said. I was shaking slowly. He shook me. "Stef, Stef. Are you okay?" I got up. I was going to say something, but I remembered that I can't. I'de just blurt out what I've been hiding. I was mesmerized by his eyes. I haven't seen him face to face like this in days. Those hazel eyes, those light pink perfect lips... His body covered in tattoos. That colon he wears. I missed that smell, even if it the one my brothers wear. My heart was beating and I hesitated. I finally got to the idea that he had his arms still around me. I flinched and shifted in my seat, so he could take his arms off me. I started to look for what music to put on.

"Steffani. Stop it. We need to talk. Look, if it's bad news that your dad said no, it's fine. My friend's brother is staying with me." I wanted to ask him about his memories, with Jeremy. They'll be gone. The swing they made, it'll be gone. "I know all the swings and memories won't come with him, but I'll be in my heart. I'll remember all the good times and silly times I had hanging out with Jeremy. All I want, is you to talk to me. I want us to talk again. I don't know what happened since Thursday night. Is it something your dad said?" I wanted to nod, say yes, but I couldn't. I just felt guilty. I didn't care if he didn't care if my dad was still going to take down the building. I felt guilty because I didn't try has hard. I felt guilty that I didn't protest, that I just listened to my dad. I felt like everything he said to those girls was a big fat lie. I am such a bad person. I didn't call him the whole week, I took AOPA's side and not my boyfriend's. I lost my train of thought, when his hand landed on my shoulder. "Steffani. Please talk to me. I know your tried you hardest to change your dad's mind, it's okay though." Danny's words were running around my head, that I shouldn't take two bullets. I need to go to AOPA, but I shouldn't stop seeing Phillip. That's not fair, what Danny would say.

"Steffani. Say something." He said pleading. I don't want him to plead. I feel even weaker. I turned my head facing the window, and turned up the music. I held my iPod tight in my hand hugging it with my chest as Phillip slowly pulls his hand away. I felt a tear fall down my cheek. I feel even worse now.

••••••••

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