twenty one (I)

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I had to do something
To break into your golden thinking
How many times will I do this
And you'll still believe?

❝I had to do somethingTo break into your golden thinkingHow many times will I do thisAnd you'll still believe?❞

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Aiden had the loudest nose.

He had a big nose too, not that I minded. What I did mind was hearing every molecule of air he was inhaling and exhaling, like a freaking asthmatic walrus.

We were comfy and snuggled up close enough in the blanket fort for me to feel the warmth radiating off his skin through the layers of blankets and duvets. Hearing Aiden's breathing pick up as the movie raced toward the climax reminded me of Lukas's reactions every time we'd done a film together. Any film, really.

My baby brother loved movie endings.

Talking about him had made me miss him more than I'd realized. Building blanket forts and having movie projectors on the wall of our shared bedroom was our thing growing up, and it was my way of feeling connected to him, even though he was miles away.

I could feel him here in spirit...until Aiden's nose entered the picture.

His breathing was enough to awaken the dead. It was like he was performing an interpretive dance of lung capacity.

At first, I thought maybe he was just having a really intense reaction to the movie. But then, I noticed the telltale sniffles.

Was he crying?

"Wow, Aiden," I whispered, incredulous, "I knew you were into this movie, but I didn't think you were this moved by it."

Aiden jerked back, caught off guard by my comment. I thought I saw the faint flush of embarrassment in the moonlight.

"I... I'm sorry. I think I...yeah, a cold."

What language was he speaking?

"What?"

He shifted a little away from me, as if trying to put some distance between his nose and my audible judgment. I let him off, keeping my sass to myself. Besides, I had a whole other problem to chew on.

As the movie came to a finish, I found it harder and harder to focus. The room was bathed in the softest moonlight filtering through the large bay windows, and the fairy lights I'd set up earlier were gently flickering, casting ethereal shadows on the walls of our makeshift fort. And for whatever reason, I was painfully aware of Aiden's presence.

The film's final moments were intense, with Jake Gyllenhaal's character, Robert Graysmith, racing against time to uncover the identity of the elusive Zodiac Killer. I kept sneaking glances at Aiden, whose incessant sniffing had ceased, as he watched the screen wide-eyed, sitting up straight.

It took me a hot minute to even process the movie had ended. We were well into the credits rolling when I finally reached over and turned off the TV. Darkness enveloped us, spare for the minimal touches of light in the room. All the while, Aiden stared blankly at the screen, not moving still.

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