Hold On To Me (Marina)

8.When It Rains

"Ross texted me before." she said. "She is working with the police, but they still haven't found Keira. They are looking everywhere, they tried homeless encampments, shelters, hospitals, other stations, but there's no sign of her."

"I'm sure she is fine." Carina reassured her. Maya shook her head and snapped her tongue.

"You don't know that." she replied, regretting those words the second after. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You're grieving, bambina, it's normal.". Maya sat next to her wife and laid her head on Carina's shoulder. The Italian kissed her forehead and kept caressing her hair.

"I can't come to the funeral, Beckett won't give me a day off." the blonde announced.

"But he can't!"

"He just made me understand it's better I don't ask for it, since Sullivan asked for a day off too. Raphael wasn't even a friend of mine, after all.". Carina scoffed.

"He was a person you cared about, Maya. It's all that matters.". The firefighter gazed at her wife.

"How can you do it? How can you... You look so strong, while I am so weak?"

"No, no, hey." Carina said, forcing Maya to keep looking at her in the eyes. "I'm hurting as hell, bambina. And I'm worried for Keira. Not just because we don't know where she is, but also because she lost her brother and I know that feeling. You're not weak, Maya. Showing your emotions is the exact opposite of weakness."

"I called Diane when I got home. I'm seeing her tomorrow.". Carina tenderly smiled at the blonde and caressed her cheek. She was so proud of her, the old Maya would have never done such a thing.

"I'm not strong, bambina. I'm just realizing that since my brother's death I can't... It hurts so much that I can't even let it all out." the Italian confessed. This time it was Maya who pulled her into a tight hug. They stayed like that, in silence, in each others arms, for they didn't know how much time, until they both drifted into a tormented sleep, full of grief and sadness.

________________

The funeral had just ended and Carina was heading to her car, keys in one hand and the umbrella in the other. It had been one of the most draining experiences she had endured lately and the thought that Keira hadn't even been able to say goodbye to her brother for one last time was even worse. She couldn't stop thinking about Andrea, about the fact that she hadn't been able to tell him goodbye because she was having coffee while he was dying. Carina shook her head. She missed him so much. Moreover, because of Beckett, Maya wasn't there and in that moment the Italian needed her wife more then ever. She needed to remember that the world was more than just pain and sorrow.

"Doctor DeLuca!" she heard someone calling her. She snorted. She had tried to avoid Ross and Sullivan for the whole day, but now they were in front of her and she couldn't run away. Or maybe she could?

"I'm sorry, I was about to... I have to go back to work." she tried to find a way not to talk with the two firefighters.

"Oh, of course." Sullivan replied. He looked devastated and Carina had never seen him like that. She glanced at her car, then snapped her tongue.

"Any news about Keira?" she asked, without turning around.

"No, not at all." Ross answered. "I wish I could say that everything will be alright, but..."

"Sì, I know." Carina said. She turned facing the couple, on the verge of tears. She leaned against her car and crossed her arms, then shook her head.

"Beckett told Maya that it was better for her not to ask for a day off. This is why she isn't here today." she explained.

"What? But he can't!" Robert replied.

"Well, he did. Maya is devastated, Sullivan. Raphael meant a lot to her and that idiota keeps treating her like this. And I'm scared as hell because I don't want her to end up like she did months ago and because there is a girl out there, all alone, who deserves way better than this.". Ross stepped forward to the Italian, slowly, and laid a hand on her shoulder. She looked at her, her gaze firm, but also unexpectedly full of sympathy for her.

"I'm working with the police, we will find her. And about Beckett, I'm sorry. I wish I fought the Union more, but I couldn't." she told her. "About your wife, I'm sure this time is different. I saw her, she isn't the same person who ended up in hospital months ago. Just be there for her, doctor. And remember, my door is always open."

"Thank you." Carina thanked Ross. She took a deep breath and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand.

"Well, it's better I go." she muttered. Sullivan and Ross nodded and after telling her goodbye, they left. Carina opened the car door, but didn't get inside.

"Oh, accidenti." she sighed. "Sullivan!". The man turned around, frowning confused. She was fidgeting with her hands and looked so nervous.

"I'm happy Emmet saved you." Carina finally told him. Sullivan slightly smiled at her and nod.

"Me too, DeLuca." he said. "Me too.".

Sì: yes

Idiota: idiot

Oh, accidenti: dang it!

Author's note

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