Shattered- Outer Banks Fanfic [JJ MAYBANK]

xliii to jb and s

a/n please vote and comment it helps stay motivated
REPOSTING CAUSE I WANTED TO CHANGE A COUPLE OF THINGS

Montana couldn't tell you how long she had been lying in her bed, the waterworks had long stopped and she now just felt empty. She hadn't slept yet; at least not since the first night when she had woken from a nightmare with guns and Barry and Mr Cameron, after that she decided not to rest her eyes. It was her father telling her to put on a black dress and 'cover her damage' that jolted out of her mindless staring. He had already screamed at her about how he had told her to stay away from the boy and how it was her fault and she had ruined him and Sarah, but other than that he had kept his distance seeing she was torturing herself enough. Moments later the Summers were pulling up to the funeral for Susan Peterkin, Montana felt her father's hand on her back urging her forward as all eyes seemed to land on her. Luck must have been on Montana's side because they were standing up the front with the Camerons, catch the sarcasm, she could sense the older boy about to say something to her but brushed past him and went to the smaller girl in the front; immediately enveloping her in a hug. She wasn't ready to face him yet.

Montana felt guilt weigh down her shoulders at how selfish she had been, Weezie had lost her big sister, her idol, and she couldn't even pull herself out of her bed to ensure she was okay. Sarah was gone. She wasn't coming back. Montana needed to take responsibility. The younger girl flung herself into the familiar embrace she craved so much, she wasn't sure what was going on but knew enough to know now wasn't the best time to question it. So hand in hand the two stood through the very professional send-off for the fallen Sherif, Montana kept her eyes off the Cameron boy whose gaze was burning into the side of her head as she wondered how he could even stand here right now.

The send-off was beautiful, members of the force spoke about the difference she had made in their lives and how she was a one-in-a-million officer, a service the woman deserved, but Montana couldn't help the flinch and induced panic that came when the gunshots fired. Her grip on the younger Cameron tightened as she willed the oncoming panic attack away, squeezing her eyes shut she did her five things for five senses in her head while steadying her breathing and thankfully it worked. Not wanting to linger longer than she needed with the rest of the Cameron clan, Montana promised the younger girl that she would be over tomorrow, then gave her father a pleading look earning a surprising nod before excusing herself.

Montana made a fast escape as she speed walked down the road to anywhere but here. After a few minutes of aimless walking Montana ended up at the boneyard, slipping her shoes off she trailed down to the water dipping her feet in. This is what she needed, the water was always her special place and although it had taken away two of her favourite people she still sought comfort in it.

Montana finally let her mind drift to the reality she was now living, a reality without John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron, a reality she didn't want to be living. She let her father's words come back to her, forcing her to believe she had some part to play in their deaths, forcing her to believe she ruined them. Looking up at the sky Montana noticed the sun was now setting and casting a beautiful golden glow over the water and couldn't help but think this was S and JB saying goodbye to her. Montana just stood there, water up to her shins, for a few moments closing her eyes and widening her arms as she breathed in the salty air feeling just a tiny bit lighter.