Undercurrent

Chapter 5

I found the door to the room I needed, knocked and tried to slip in without causing too much fuss.

"Ah, I thought we were one short!" came a voice from the back of the room as I entered. "Don't worry, you've not missed anything. Grab a seat, I'm just handing out some workbooks."

Well, so much for slipping in unnoticed but at least I hadn't really interrupted. I looked around and spotted her, the girl from the café. She waved me over and I realised she had a space next to her. I was so relieved that I wouldn't have to sit next to a stranger. Not that I really knew her, but she wasn't a complete stranger. Also, a small part of me was glad that there was someone here who already had an idea that I was socially inept, so that wasn't something I had to worry about keeping under wraps.

"Thank God," she said, moving her things across so I could get mine out. "I thought I was going to have to be on my own, or beg another pair to let me join them as a three. That, or someone dreadful was going to come in and sit with me! I'm glad it's you."

I don't think anyone had ever said that they were glad it was me before. Well, apart from Mum and maybe Zach at some point.

I nodded awkwardly at her. Then, remembering my promise to myself, I said, "I'm glad there's someone here I recognise too. Especially since I'm late. I was dreading coming in!"

She smiled and gently squeezed my arm as the teacher handed us a couple of the workbooks. I skimmed over the page and tried to remember what they'd told us about psychology on the open days.

"Does this make any sense to you?" a whisper came from next to me. "I feel like I've chosen to study a foreign language."

Before I could reply, the teacher started, "Right everyone, let's get on. I'm Jen and this is the first class for A-level psychology." She went on to talk about the course for a bit. I looked through the contents page and didn't particularly recognise much more than 'Freud'. I looked over at the workbook next to mine and saw that the girl had written her name on it: Ro. It suited her but I wondered what it was short for.

"For most of you, this will be the first time you've studied psychology at all – not many schools offer it at GCSE," Jen's speech brought me back out of my thoughts. "So, what I want you to do is share with everyone why you've decided that psychology is for you. I'll give you a couple of minutes to think and perhaps talk to your neighbour about it."

Oh God. How was I meant to tell a whole class of people I didn't know that the only reason I'd chosen psychology was because I wanted to see if it'd help me work out why I felt so strange all the time? Surely, if anything would make you the college weirdo, it'd be admitting that you were odd and wanting to find a way to study it.

"At least it's not cringey ice breakers this time," Ro whispered. "I've already had to do some of those in French this morning. C'est terrible!" She said the last part with such a dramatic flair that I snorted laughing.

"Sorry," I said quickly, embarrassed, but I don't think she'd noticed.

"So, how do I make 'I thought it'd be a laugh' sound like a good enough reason to want to study psychology then, Nina?" she looked at me intensely, as if she expected me to have some kind of incredible answer.

"Oh, erm, I don't really know," I said, fidgeting with my pencil case. "I guess you could say something about how interesting you thought it would be?" I grimaced a little. It wasn't the most inventive response I could have offered her.

"Well, what's your reason? I bet it's something incredibly intellectual – you seem like someone who thinks everything through," she said. I wasn't totally sure how to take that. One, because it was spot on, and two, because I didn't know whether she thought it was a positive or a negative.