A long road to happy

Chapter 17: Out, out part 2

"Wait, what? What do you mean? We talked it through, agreed to move on?" I can see the confusion written on her face, she just doesn't get it.

"Yeah, this is me, moving on." I say. Not in a harsh way, no, in a calm and collected way. In an, I've accepted it, why can't you kinda way. Also, probably in a sarcastic drunk way, but who's here to notice that?

"I, I don't understand Har?" 

"You don't have to Scarlett, that's the beauty of it." I giggle. Ok, i’m definitely drunk.

I make a point of checking my phone. "I've got to go now OK. Tell Lizzie that something came up please. I'll see you both around, tonight has been. . . Fun." I lie as I make for the bathroom door. 

"Oh. Did something actually come up?" She asks.

"Yeah, of course it did, I gotta. . Um, I gotta.” Thinking of an excuse has never been this hard, why can't I think of anything?

“Yeah, you know what, fuck it. No, nothing came up, I just want to leave. I can't do this, I won't allow you to use me again." I say, everything I've been overthinking is swimming around my head, fighting to get out, wanting me to tell her how I actually feel right now.

"Use you? Are you for real right now Harley? When did I use you?" 

"There's a shorter list if I tell you when you didn't use me." I throw at her. She scoffs "where is this coming from? You said we were fine? What exactly have I done to upset you now?" 

"I'm trying really hard not to say things I might regret later. Are you sure you wanna go there?" My voice is low and level, the forced control evident as I speak.

"Of course, the martyr is back, thank you so much for saving me, Har. Just say what the hell you want to say, spit it out. Stop spewing bullshit and tell me how you actually feel." 

"Fine. So there's the time you kissed me then slapped me in the park, said some shitty things too. Then, then you decide you want to apologise, tell me how sorry you are, how you like me. Let's not forget you practically fuck me in my kitchen. So, I decide to give you a chance and forgive you. Then we flirt. A lot. You send me some sexy photos and make it pretty clear what you want. So, you ask me for a date. Dress up all nice, cook for me and again make it quite clear what you want. I think, finally. She's sorted her shit out, she's being open with me and expressing what she wants. We sleep together, it was surprisingly really good. Then you tell me I could've been anyone, you just wanted to fuck. You regret it and we should be friends." I pant as I rush it all out.

"You're just saying what's happened? I don't get it?" She says.

"Don't interrupt, let me finish. So, my interpretation. You were scared, I kissed you outside, in public. You panicked and slapped me. Not OK, but I can sorta understand it and eventually forgive it. No one deserves to be outed. But after that, it was just a set up for an experimental fling. You said the words I wanted to hear, how you wanted me, wanted to give it a go, then got what you wanted with a woman. Not me, just a female. Then you were over it, happy to go running back to the husband you were so keen to tell me you'd left." Her eyes widen at that.

"Oh, you thought I lived under a rock? Yeah I saw the articles with you and the kids. Lets not forget the mandatory kiss shots of you and the hubby. Also, you literally brought him here, how dumb do you think I am? It's fine though, I'm glad you got to scratch that itch, tick 'sleeping with a woman' off the old bucket list. I just wished you were honest with me, this could've been just what you wanted, but where would the fun in that be? Right. So yeah, there you go. That's how I feel, used." I finish.

She says nothing back, I snort and shake my head. "Yeah, typical.” I turn to walk out of the bathroom, hoping to leave in a blaze of glory having gotten the last word and getting my awesome ‘storm out of a room’ moment. Only, the door is locked and my face connects with it, resulting in me on my ass, groaning.

Scarlett just looks at me, lips twitching, clearly holding back a smile, or a laugh, or both. I glare at her, then, from nowhere I drop my head between my legs and just burst out laughing at my stupidity, and the absurdity of the whole situation. When I get a grip of myself, I look up to see a hand outstretched, I decide, fuck it, I'm drunk and I already look like a big enough idiot without trying to get my drunk ass off the floor, and likely falling numerous times. So, I decide to accept the help up. 

“Thanks.” I murmur, a ghost of a smile crossing my lips as I leave my eyes closed. “Drunk me is an idiot” I voice.

I open my eyes to soft laughter coming from Scarlett. “Drunk you is an idiot” She eyes me up and down “but a really hot idiot.”

I furrow my brows. “We were arguing. . . . Right?” I question. “Was that all in my head?” I whisper out. 

“No, idiot, it wasn't. Come on, let's get you back to your friends.” 

“Why you being nice? You're mean, you're, you're a meanie butt face that hurt my feelings.” . . . “butt face” I giggle as I look up at her. “Did you know that you're face is really pretty.” I continue, like the drunken dumbass I am. Yeah, shout at the lady, tell her you basically hate her, then compliment her in the genetic lottery she won. 

She doesn't respond, just softly smiles at me. So, like the massive idiot I am, I continue. “I don't just mean that your face is pretty.” I mumble.

“No?” She asks,  one eyebrow raised in question.

“No….. you know, over the last few years, I can count the number of times on one hand, that I actually paid attention to a woman above the neckline whilst having sex. I know that sounds bad, I know. But, I mean, women are sexy right. Like, really hot. And a woman's body, God, you know.” I try to explain as I look up at her. “Yeah, you probably don't know, but still. I mean, when  pleasuring a woman, I look at their body, pay attention to it, not their face so much, a glance here and there. But, sometimes. . . . Well  actually, one time, one time I couldn't. I couldn't help but pay attention to her face. Watch as she threw her head back when I hit a sensitive spot, or when her mouth would open as she climbed higher. I wanted to see her eyes roll back and her mouth open as she hit her peak. I couldn't tear my eyes away. I just wanted to see it all again and again, and that scares me, you know?” I trail off, staring into space. 

“Anyway, I forgot my point, I actually forgot what we were talking about. What wer…..”

I stumble backwards against the door, the same one I face planted a couple of minutes ago. It takes me a second to work out what's going on, but when I feel the warmth from her body, I realise Scarlett has pinned me to the door. I'm suddenly very aware of every place her skin touches mine. 

She searches my eyes for a second, then flicks her tongue out over her bottom lip, biting it slightly as she leans in close to me, her lips ghosting my ear.

“Drunk you is an idiot.” She whispers, tongue licking the tip of my ear, “an idiot who will probably regret her drunken words, if she remembers them at all.” She says, lightly tracing a finger down my neck.

“And, for the record. I didn't use you.” With that, she leaves the bathroom, me, standing there in shock. “What the fuck.” I mumble. “Did that actually happen?”