A long road to happy

chapter 9: Unknown number

It's been a week since the disaster that was dinner with Scarlett. After long discussions with Danny and Sky, I decided that I would not reach out to her. The things she said and done were hurtful, all I did was kiss her, I even apologised for it.

After 3 days, she tried to call me. I declined it, so she sent me a message asking if we could talk. I must've written a response out 10 times and deleted it again. In the end, I decided to leave her on read. She tried a few times after that, saying she was sorry, and she didn't mean the things she said and she wished she never raised her hands. That just made me angrier, you see, my ex was abusive, and in my eyes, she was kinda like Scarlett in the sense that she was out of my league. She was so sweet and perfect to start with, then things started to change. I'd be working late, and she'd accuse me of cheating. She was jealous of any female in my life, and she hated my friends.

She made me feel guilty for wanting to spend time with anyone but her. Eventually, I decided it'd be easier to take her with me or just not go anywhere at all. That made her happy for a while. Then, when I felt like I had burnt all my bridges, she started hitting me. I'd make her mad, maybe I spent too long doing the shopping, or spent too much money, or I just disrespected her in some way, so she would resort to pushing me, pinning me and hitting me. 

She was always sorry though, and she'd cry and tell me how she couldn't live without me and that she'd be better and it would never happen again. Like the naive, love sick puppy I was, I believed her the first 2 or 3 times, and I forgave her, thinking she'd be better. But after that, I forgave her for a different reason. I had nowhere else to go, and she knew it. I was scared of what she'd do if I didn't forgive her, so when she'd come crawling back, flowers in hand with a sad look on her face, I'd slap on a fake smile and welcome her back with open arms.

Eventually, after one of her episodes, she stormed out and I asked Danny to come get me. He did, even after I'd basically dropped him, he came, no questions asked, no I told you so's or sarcastic responses. His simple response was 'I'm on my way now, pack a bag'. Turns out he knew all along, not the extent of it, he didn't know she was physically abusive, but he knew she was isolating me, he was just waiting for me to see it. This is why I would do anything for that man. If he asked me to stab myself in the hand, I'd ask him which one. 

Back to the point, I decided it would be best to just block Scarlett altogether, was I being dramatic? Maybe. Was it the best thing I could do for my mental health, yes. So I did it.

I was second guessing my decision a few days later after I'd calmed down. I was sat in my home office, staring at her contact In my blocked numbers thinking if I should unblock or not, when my phone started ringing. It was an unknown mobile number, 90% of the time I ignore unknown numbers, if it's important they'll leave a voicemail or send me a message. But this time I slide the green answer button across. "Hello?" I ask. 

"Oh, good, I didn't think you were going to answer". A woman with an American accent responds. 

"Um, yeah…who is this?" 

"Oh come on, it's Lizzie! I thought we laid some good groundwork for our flourishing friendship at the party Harley?" She giggles down the phone.

We exchange pleasantries, asking how each other are, what we've been up to etc.

"Not that I'm not enjoying our small talk, but I'm guessing that wasn't the real reason you called?" I ask hesitantly.

"Ahh, no, you're right, I do have…ulterior motives for my phone call. Please hear me out though" She almost begs. 

"OK, just hit me with it". 

"Scarlett told me about what happened" She starts tentatively, leaving a pause to see my reaction. I sigh "go on".

"Look, she's really sorry about what she said, she was surprised, shocked even. She knows she could've reacted better and she just wants to apologise for it, please let her." I'm not really sure what she wants me to say to that. Could've reacted better? The things she accused me of doing and the slap? I can feel my anger bubbling again, but u do my upmost to keep a level head and calm voice.

"I appreciate that you're her friend, and you want to do what you think is best for her to help her feel better. But I can't, I can't accept that Lizzie."

I'm taken aback as she scoffs down the phone at me, "you can't accept what? She said some mean things and she's sorry, she doesn't care if you're gay, or bi, or whatever. She's allowed to have a reaction Harley". My anger flares at this, a reaction? I'll give you 'reaction'.

My voice changes, it's no longer warm and inviting, I'm no longer trying to keep the peace, I'm pissed. "No Lizzie, you don't get to do that, you don't get to minimise my feelings, you weren't there, you didn't hear what she said, you didn't see the anger on her face when she hit me. What, you think that because she's some big shot movie star that I should be falling over myself to hear her apology. Shit, maybe I should just scramble around and apologise to her, fuck, maybe my face hurt her hand, huh?" I rush out, hardly leaving pause to take in a breath. "No Lizzie, I made a promise to myself, to Danny, no one will Ever lay hands on me again, I will not accept it, I don't give a fuck who she is." My breathing has picked up now, and I'm trying to calm myself, I can feel the rage coursing through my veins as I dig my fingernails into my palm.

There's a beat of silence, I actually think she's hung up on me for a second, until I hear her almost whispered response.

"What, she, she hit you?" She asks gently.

I scoff at this, clearly failing to keep my emotions in check. "Oh, I see, she told you what happened, did she?" I ask "just happened to leave a few key details out huh? I wonder what else she conveniently forgot. Did she tell you that she kissed me back? Pulled me into her actually, but apparently that's all in my head. Probably imagined her telling me that I took advantage of her, that I'd come up with some big ploy to get in her pants, but hey, that wouldn't fit her narrative would it." I pause to take in some big calming breaths "to think I was about to unblock her before you called, hear her out." I finish, slightly calmer now.

"You were?" She asks. I don't respond, I let the silence fill the gap instead.

"I'm sorry Harley, I didn't know all that." She pleads, making me feel bad for going off at her.

"No, no it's OK. I'm sorry Lizzie, this isn't your fault, I know you can only go on what she's said, and she's your best friend, you're going to believe her. I shouldn't have blown up on you like that." I try to apologise, a hundred thoughts running through my head at once making it hard to pick out the right words.

"No, you're OK Harley. There's always two sides to a story, sometimes I forget that." Again, I decide to let the silence do the talking.

"I'll talk to her again, but please, regardless of what she's left out, she really is sorry, she's beating herself up over it, and from what you've said, it makes more sense as to why she's being so harsh on herself. Please, just, think about it, think about talking to her. If nothing else, it might make you feel better about it all" she tries.

"OK, OK Lizzie, I'll think about it. I've got to go now though, thanks for the call." I say as I hang up. I've got some thinking to do, and as mad as I am about the whole situation, I know I have my own apology to make to Scarlett.

Maybe Lizzie's right, maybe I should just talk to her, make peace and move on with my life. I can't say that I've not been thinking about it all a lot recently, hell, I'm thinking about it now! Maybe having a talk and clearing the air will put my mind at rest, then we can both get on with our lives without this hanging over us.