Little Sanchez // USWNT

Chapter 50

"That's what she said!" Kelley laughed as she jogged by us. 

"Not funny O'Hara!" Said Lindsey as she started jogging to catch up with her. 

"I still can't believe I'm dating someone who calls me by the wrong name on purpose." Sighed Trinity. 

"Shut up, Trina." I said as we stopped just outside the locker room. "The cameras are in there." 

"I'm sick of them." She said, leaning against the wall. 

"Me too." 

"And you've got double." 

I nodded. 

We stood in silence for a few seconds. 

"I guess we should go in there, huh?" She said quietly. 

"Gotta face it sometime, right?" 

"You know, I'm proud of you." 

"I'm proud of you too. So, so proud." I smiled, taking a step towards her. 

"I'm proud to call you my girlfriend." She said, putting her arm around my waist.. "Even if most people don't know it. The only one who needs to know is you."

I put my arms around her neck and gave her a kiss. 

"You know what else nobody knows?" She asked. 

"What else does nobody know?" I asked. 

"You're the one holding this mess of a team together. You're the single thread, Ace." 

"I don't know how much longer I can go on like that though." I sighed, averting my eyes to the ground, arms still around her neck. 

"You can do it. I believe in you." 

"Can you help me? At least try? I tried with Ash, but she's so uninspired. She's crushed, Trinity. She doesn't even know what to do with herself. She's this ball of sadness. So can you please, please try to help me?" 

"Yes, Ains. I can try my best. I can't promise that I'll be of any help, but I can try." 

"That's all I need." I said, giving her another kiss, this time longer. 

We didn't consider the fact that just about anyone could look in the tunnel. 

"GET OUT!" I heard Kelley scream as the door to the locker room opened and the documentary camera crew came through the door, exposing us right to them.

We were too late to pull away, and we got a face full of camera. 

Neither of us knew what to do. We just kinda stared at each other, then looked at them. Trinity kicked the back of my heel, wanting me to say something. 

"I thought you were Ashley Sanchez." The one guy said. 

"No you dumbshit! Ashley's in there." I rolled my eyes. "So I'd suggest you delete anything you caught." 

Nobody can be trusted, especially someone holding a camera filming for a documentary. 

"DELETE IT!"

The crew just stared at me, not a single one of them went to delete anything, though their cameras were clearly off. 

"We gotta get in there." Trinity said, tugging on the sleeve of my jacket. 

"Alright." I said, turning to go with her. 

The crew walked away as we headed for the locker room. 

"They're gonna think I'm an insufferable, rude, arrogant piece of shit now, aren't they?" I sighed, burying my face in my hands. 

"Well that's what you are, isn't it?" She smirked. 

"Not funny." I walked in and b-lined for my locker, climbing in and pulling my knees to my chest. 

I was wearing Mal's #9, but I knew I shouldn't be. I knew I didn't deserve it. I'm not and never will be half the person or player she is. 

Ash won't even look at me. She hasn't since I was pulled off the bench. She didn't look at e after the game, she didn't give me a post-game hug, she didn't sling her arm around my shoulder and tell me she's proud of me. She wouldn't even look my way. 

But I don't blame her. 

I don't blame myself either. My sister is the better player. My sister's the more experienced player. I'll never understand why I'm playing over her. She's my older sister. This was her dream first, mine only because it was hers, and now? I'm here because of her, and I'm playing because of her. She's not playing because of me. 

I hate Vlatko with half of my heart, and I hate myself with the other half. 

The bad attitude's gotten to me, and I let it show. 

I cried in my locker during the post game speech. I didn't try to stay tough and wait until I was in the bathroom of my hotel room. I didn't try and be quiet. I just cried in my locker, feeling eyes pierce into me, but I couldn't care. I knew Ash hadn't looked at me, and that was the only thing that mattered. 

I just sat there alone as everyone got changed. Nobody tried to talk to me. Not my sister, not my girlfriend. Not our team captain, not a veteran, nothing. 

That was fine with me, because when I'm upset, I'm better left alone, and I think they know that. 

My phone was buzzing in the top cubby above me. I figured it was Mal or Tara, but I didn't care enough to answer. 

I got up and quickly got changed, then I shoved my headphones in my ears and walked out of the locker room, unable to spend another sad minute in there. I didn't bother to take a shower, nothing. 

I sat outside the door, along the back wall of the tunnel. My eyes were shut and my ears plugged, so I had no idea what was going on around me. 

Endless texts from Mal, Tara and my other teammates prompted me to put my phone on do not disturb. I wanted to forget about everything, even if it was just for a few minutes. 

Someone sat down next to me, but I didn't lift my head from my hands to see who it was. I probably looked like a mentally unstable mess (which I am.) 

My knees were pulled to my chest, my head in my hands, back against the wall. 

An arm wrapped around my shoulders. I didn't recognize who it was until I opened my eyes. 

"You're trying, kid. You're the one keeping us in these games, I hope you know that." 

"I'm just frustrated. So, so frustrated, Lindsey. I don't think I'm doing enough." I sobbed. 

"You're doing everything you can." 

"But I stole my sister's spot. I took it. I don't deserve-" 

"You do, Ainsley. You deserve every minute you play plus more. You remember that. Every, single minute." 

We sat there for a few minutes before everyone started to head to the bus. 

"Come on, kid." Lindsey said, getting up. 

"Let's go, Little Sanchez. Pick yourself up. Let's go." Kelley said, holding out her hands to help me up. 

"You played well today, Ainsley." Said Aubrey Kingsbury as she walked by. 

"Yeah. You're incredible." Emily Fox smiled. 

"Come on, baby. We've got a round of 16 to get ready for." Said Trinity, wiping some of the mascara streaks off my cheeks before I walked past the camera. 

"What happened in that locker room that changed everybody's attitude so suddenly?" I whispered once we were out of earshot of the camera. 

"Trying. Me putting forth my best effort for you, love." 

"You're such a nerd." I laughed as she slung her arm around my shoulder, finishing our walk to the bus.