Listen To My Stupid Heart ♡

42. Reality

She again shook her head.

And I cupped more tightly and came closer.

" We are not suitable for each other. Why can't you understand? I'm not even this much.... Even this much eligible for you. Why can't you get this thing inside of your head? "

She blinked and more tears came. She looked confused. And I shook my head. " You're not understanding... I'm.... I am poor Arini... Too much poor... I can't get you " I had to close my eyes in shame.

" Matlab? " ( what do you mean?) She asked out of nowhere making me open my eyes. She held my hands and said, " You love me. I love you. That's enough. Doesn't only love matter? "

I shook my head and a weak smile appeared on my lips. " Only money matters Arini. "

She again shook her head. " Love. It's love Shrey and I know you love me. Then why? "

I left her this time & took a few back steps. " Haa chalo karta hu main tumse pyaar. Bohot pyaar karta hu par bas pyaar se kya hoga Arini? " My voice raised a bit automatically. "How will I take care of you? Have you ever thought? Here, I am not even able to take care of my mom and dad. How will I take care of you!?! "

( yeah, okay I love you alot. I love you really alot but what will you do with love only Arini?)

I told her finally. I revealed my biggest insecurity to her finally. And I saw her crying and shaking her head only. My eyes were wet too. Both of us were crying.

" Pyaar nhi ho skta hum dono mein Arini. Tum bohot kimti ho, main itna ameer nhi " I said my last words. This was the only thing which always stopped me from loving her. But a heart can never be stopped. So I fall. I fall for her somehow but I tried my best to stay away from her.

( we cannot love each other Arini. You're priceless and I'm not enough rich for you)

Don't know what got in my head and I forgot about everything. But it's wrong. I shouldn't be the one for her. I am not the one for her.
She will never be happy with me.

"Kya bol rahe ho tum.. Kyun bol rahe ho? "

( what are you saying? Why are you saying?)

I shook my head. " It's the reality. We have so many differences. Our lives, our lifestyles, everything is different. I'm not rich enough to match your standards. It's the reality... There's no future of us. There can't be any. Just go now. Leave me. Go go go away. " I shouted at the end and saw her flinching again.

I felt being so weak now. My throat started hurting, it felt to hard to breathe. The sight of her breaking down in front of me, was too much to take. All these years whenever she chased me, I knew this differences between us. But why could not you understand Arini?

I was on painkillers but the way my heart was paining, no pain killers could take away this pain.

I felt like questioning my own existence now. I'm too weak to take care of my family, too weak to handle any situation, too weak to have you. You don't deserve me surely. You will find someone else. Not me..

But she was stubborn. She didn't move from her place, kept on looking at me with tears in her eyes.

" Shrey " Now she spoke with her broken tone.

" I might be immature, might be sounding dramatic,might be a stupid.... But my defination of love is so different... Pyaar mein bas pyaar hota... Agar do insaan ek dusre se pyaar kare toh baki kuch nazar nhi ata.. Tum pyaar se ameer ho mere liye, paison ki ameeri nhi chahiye mujhe"

( love is only love. If two persons are in love then they don't think of anything else. For me, you're rich with love.. I don't want money)

I don't know how she is saying all these things. Her words made me skip my heart beats. I felt like she was taking my insecurities away from me one by one.

But these lines are good for stories only. In reality we have so much to see. She is indeed too innocent to understand this.

" Yeh sab sach nhi hota Arini.. "

( these are not real Arini)

Shaking her head rapidly, she came to me and hugged me all sudden.
" Shrey, mujhe nhi pata kuch... Tum jo bhi, jese bhi ho, mujhe dedo.. Bas.. Mujhe aur kuch nhi chahiye... Shrey main kabhi kuch nhi mangungi tumse... Bas tum ayo. Bas tum. "

( shrey, I don't know anything.... Just give me you, the way you are.. Just you... I do not want anything else... I will never ever ask of anything else from you... Only you. I want you only)

She sobbed here in my arms. I badly wanted to hold that body of hers and never let her go. It felt so wrong to push someone like this who loves me so much, whom I love so much. It felt so much illegal to be lucky by her love when I don't deserve even an inch of it.

I slowly pushed her and joined my two palms togethers, looking down at the floor I whispered, " Sorry... I am sorry.. "

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