When we were young // Anthony Bridgerton

Chapter 23

    After Anthony left Hyacinth's room, he had a great idea. Tonight they would have a family dinner, just like they had every single night before Edmund died. Those dinners where absolutely everyone in the family was present at the table - which included conversations, laughter, gossip and extraordinary traditional English food. He was sure the idea would be a success. Because despite all the routine fights and arguments, the Bridgertons loved being together. However, there was only one problem: his mother. She was a key player for the dinner to be successful, because without her the family would be incomplete. Violet Bridgerton, with her unparalleled charisma and elegance, always made parties and dinners more memorable, more full of life. Without her, dinner wouldn't be nice.
But If what Belle had said was true, it wouldn't be easy to get her out of the room. But it was worth trying. Mainly because, after spending some time with Hyacinth, Anthony realized that he missed these moments together with his family. He then headed towards his mother's new room, and before he could get close to the door to open it, he was brutally stopped.
- My Lord, what a surprise to see you here - Mrs. Wilson said, "discreetly" putting her body in front of the door

Anthony, who was always very practical, and who always hated beating around the bush, got straight to the point.
- If you won't mind Mrs.Wilson, I would really appreciate if you could move your body out of the door so I could get in to see my mother.

- I'm sorry, My Lord, but your mother gave me explicit instructions on not letting anyone come in.

- And I'm giving you explicit instructions to gently get out of the door so I can get in.

- But my lord...

- Now, Mrs.Wilson.

    The woman then obeyed, and left the door so her boss could enter. He then opened the door, and entered the room. Violet Bridgerton, the owner of that room, was sitting in a blue armchair, constantly facing a large glass window overlooking the gardens - just as Belle had warned him. She was still wearing black clothes, and she had an empty look in her eye - Her normally radiant blue eyes were completely "numb", as if they were two candles that had been blown out.
    He then approached his mother, and trying to mask his worried expression with a smile, Anthony spoke:
- Good morning Mother. How have you been?

She did not answer. In fact, she didn't even turn her face to look into her eldest son's eyes. He then moved even closer and sat down on the armchair in front of his mother, and tried again.

- This new embroidery you made is very beautiful - Anthony asked, pointing to the embroidery that was on top of the center table - Are they hydrangeas?

He actually had no idea what flowers they were. Even though his father always talked about his love for plants and especially flowers, Anthony never had much interest in gardening.

- Tulips - Violet corrected, in a tone of voice so low that Anthony almost didn't hear it.

- Sorry, my mistake - he replied, and then stopped for a few seconds to think of a topic to chat with his mother - But besides the embroidery, you've been doing something interesting these days, mother? What have you done today so far?

- I slept, I bathed, I ate, I even went to early walk outdoors, I went to the chapel. I even obliged myself to pass to see the children this morning. Now I'm trying to make myself useful with this embroidery - Violet said, with a voice carried the weight of endless sorrow as she described her "routine". Every single word that came out of her mouth was laden with the heaviness of her grieving heart.

- Mother I came here because I thought...that perhaps you could join us on family dinner - Anthony's voice quivered slightly, reflecting his own sense of loss mirrored in his mother's sorrow.

- I'm sorry, but I won't be able to attend.

Lord Bridgerton took a deep breath. He was trying his best not to burst into tears. Seeing his mother like that was killing him.
- I know this is hard. I know you miss him. But we all miss him. And I think... - the brunette boy started, until he was interrupted by Violet

- Please stop. This is it Anthony, this is my best - The grieving woman voice wavered, trembling under the weight of her emotions. Her daily efforts to continue living felt like an insurmountable task, a constant battle against the consuming darkness of loss - Every day I get up, I get dress, I eat, and I try to breath in and out. I force myself to see that children and occasionally stop by Hyacinth's nursery. And all I can think about is how sorry I feel for little Hyacinth for she will never know Edmund's laugh, his' smile. His' jokes. Or the way it feels to be hugged in his' arms. I feel even sorry for myself because most of the time I'm thinking about how this little baby didn't give me the kindness of killing me so I could be with my husband. Edmund was the air that I breathed; and now that he's gone there's no air. So please, don't ask me about family dinner. 

     Tears welled in Violet's eyes, her heartache pouring out with each word. The unbearable thought of a future without Edmund's presence clearly pierced her soul. And it pierced her son's as well.
  He couldn't contain himself any longer. As he thought he was going to start crying, he instantly ran out of the room, without giving any kind of explanation.

   Anthony was in his office again in the papers saga. He had already cried a little alone in his room, but now it was time to wipe his face and finish his tasks. Those papers unfortunately wouldn't sign themselves. He was doing his best to try to finish all that work today, but the probability of that happening was almost zero thanks to that blessed person who decided to accompany him in his work. Belle was lying on the couch, apparently pretending she was reading a book. But in reality, she was talking continuously like a parrot, making it difficult for the viscount to effectively concentrate. But Anthony liked her too much to tell her to shut up or to go away.
- So, how was the conversation with your mother?

- Terrible. She's still completely sunk in grief - The brown eyed man said, finishing to sign another paper - So basically, family dinner is canceled.

Belle frowned, then getting up she asked, indignantly:
- What? Why? We can still gather your siblings for dinner. It's a shame that my mother left Thursday with my brother, because I could have asked her to organize...

- Belle, with all due respect, but I'm not really in the mood for a family dinner anymore.

- Please, don't tell me your planning to dine here alone again.

- I have no problem dining alone. Besides, perhaps that way I have a greater chance of finishing my work today.

- Oh for God's sake, Anthony

- Right then. Then what is your plan?

- So you don't want to have family dinner? Excellent. So let's have dinner just the two of us today.

- What? But...

- Don't tell me that you don't want to be with me today either.

- No, it's not that, but...

- Excellent. So be in a quarter past seven there in somewhere only we know.