A SNAKE HIDDEN UNDER THE SKIN OF A MASTERMIND
She reads people as if they're books.
She used people as if they're objects.
She manipulated their minds as if they're games to her.
She had the whole Panem in the palms of her very hands.
So when she...
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—— TO BE AWAKE IS TO SEE reality.
Something that Finnick didn't dare to do.
Because the first thing he saw was the plain ceiling, staring back at him to taunt him that he's no longer in the arena. The emptiness in his hollow chest, where his heart was no longer there but in the hands that grip his beating heart he'd trusted to keep it safe. The hands of the woman whose absence was clear as day.
Haymitch was the one to break the news, after he had dealt with Katniss's fit. On their way to district 13, he'd pulled him aside and told him something he didn't wish to hear his whole life.
"I'm sorry, Finnick..."
He didn't need to hear the rest, because he knew what happened.
They didn't find her. They couldn't tell if she was alive or dead because they couldn't detect her tracker. Plutarch Heavensbee had also informed him that during the game, her tracker kept glitching in the system. Appearing and disappearing every few minutes. They had tried to pull her out before anything could happen, but it was Snow who insisted on making her stay in the game.
They told him to hope for the possibility that she was still alive.
But Finnick knew better.
He'd rather wish Irene Portwell was dead than to continue living in this wretched world.
He'd cling onto the memories, even if there wasn't much, but he would bring back the good ones to replace the bad ones. He remembered her smile, her laughter, her wits albeit how questionable they are. He would remember all.
Now, Finnick sat with her brother and her sister in law at the cafeteria. Sitting silently as he stared down at his lunch while his head was a million miles away. He still couldn't fathom that she was gone.
He couldn't even dare himself to look at Perseus Portwell who'd assured him plenty of time that it wasn't his fault. And based on the clenched jaw and furious expression that conquered the latter's feature, Finnick was sure there was something else more to the story. When he asked why, Perseus answered;
"There's no fucking way my sister would get herself killed that easily. It's not simple to take her down."
Finnick wished he could agree.
The familiar sound of the anthem played in the background. The blonde turned in his seat to the big screen. A grim look on his face as he watched along with the rest of district 13.
"Hello. Good evening. And a big welcome to all in Panem." The show began. "I'm Caesar Flickerman. And whoever you are, whatever it is you're doing, if you're working, put down your work. If you're having dinner, stop having dinner. Because you are going to want to witness this tonight."
This was no ordinary interview, Finnick realized. No. This interview contained the answers he needed to ensure what happened after they were freed from the arena. A small string of hope was still intact unlike the rest he had cut violently, as he waited for any signs of her.
"There has been rampant speculation about what really happened in the Quarter Quell. And here to shed a little light on the subject for us is a very special guest. Please welcome Mr. Peeta Mellark."
Finnick's heart sank. He'd expected someone else. Though when his eyes caught sight of Katniss, he knew she was hurting more than he was. The boy was dressed in white, clean and healthy, but it was clear he was not mentally fine.
"Peeta, a lot of people feel as though they are in the dark."
"Yeah, I know how they feel." Peeta muttered.
"Now, so set the stage for us. Talk us through what really happened on that final and controversial night."
"Well, first off, you have to understand that when you're in the Games - you only get one wish. It's very costly."
"You're alive. It costs your life."
"Tell that to Irene." Peeta quickly responded. "I think it costs more than your life."
Finnick paled. What did he mean? What was he saying? His breathing laboured every second as thoughts circled his mind. Flashes of her image appeared behind his eyelids every time he blinked.
"How do you mean? What's more than your life?" The interview continued.
"I mean to murder innocent people, that costs everything that you are. So you hold on to that one wish. And that night my wish was to save Katniss. I should've just run off with her earlier in the day like she'd wanted."
"But you didn't. Why? Were you caught up in Beetee's plan?"
"No, I was caught up trying to play allies. And then they separated us and... that's when I lost her. And then the lightning hit... and the whole force field around the arena just blew out.
"Yes, but, Peeta, Katniss is the one who blew it out."
"No."
"You saw the footage."
"No, she didn't know what she was doing. Neither of us knew there was a bigger plan going on. We had no idea."
"You had no idea?"
"No! All right."
"Well, Peeta, there are many who find this suspicious to say the least. It seems as though she was part of a rebel plan."
"Do you think it was part of her plan to be almost killed by Johanna? Or part of the plan to be paralyzed by lightning? No, we were not part of any rebel plan. We had no idea what was going on."
"All right. I believe you, Peeta Mellark. Thank you." Caesar tried to calm the boy down. "You mentioned Irene... What do you mean by that? Everyone has been dying to know whether she's alright or not."
Anticipation grasped his head, and by any second Finnick was losing his mind waiting for Peeta to deliver some sort of message. "Come on, Peeta..." He urged him silently. There was a dark look flashed across his features. He was glaring, no doubt to someone who stood behind the camera. Finnick imagined it was Snow.
"They wouldn't let me see her. But I know she's there. Fighting to stay alive. But days passed by and I heard them saying, she's gone." Peeta confessed. There was genuineness in his voice as he spoke, but there was guilt too. "Irene Portwell is gone."
There it was.
The cold hard truth.
Finnick turned to Perseus and Cashmere, and just like him they were being swallowed by grief and despair in an instant. His ears drowned out from the rest of the interview, and he willed himself to stand from his seat and walked away.
Not even noticing the fact that Katniss was calling his name as she ran after him. He could no longer be in this world if it meant she wasn't in it.
