When Summer makes a bet with his best friend to remain romance free for the summer it seems easy to him. He has rarely dated or had much interest in dating and it's the last thing on his mind right now as he recovers from a bad depressive episode.
S...
These are the main songs I listened to while writing the Summer and Caleb parts of this chapter. They are all on my Summer Sunshine Spotify playlist. There's a link in my bio.
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TW for mentions of suicide
When they get back to the house Summer goes to his room and changes into shorts and a worn purple tshirt. Something restless and panicked drifts just below the surface of his mind. He wants to curl up in the welcoming darkness of his closet but the thought of not moving is torture.
His autism and adhd battle like this sometimes. One part of him wanting to disappear and stop moving and the other part unable to stay still. Today his adhd is winning.
Summer takes out his hair clip and runs a hand through his hair. His breathing is shallow and uneven. He closes his eyes. You're okay. You're okay. You're okay. He feels untethered, adrift. He doesn't know what to hang on to. Breathe. Just breathe.
When he goes back to the living room his aunt is there. "Hailey told me you were having a hard time," she says. "I can take the girls back to my place if you want to be alone for a bit."
Summer shakes his head. "It's okay. I'm going back out for a bit. Do you know where Caleb is?"
"Outside with Lulu. Look after yourself, hon."
Summer gives her a reassuring smile because he's fine. He's fine. He'll be fine.
Caleb is sitting on the porch steps. He looks up when Summer stops next to him. "I'm going for a walk," Summer holds out a hand. "Come with me?" And because it's Summer, what other answer would Caleb give but yes? He takes Summer's hand.
They walk close together and hand in hand and Summer feels like he is tethered in more ways than one. Reality becomes solid when he is with Caleb. He can breathe a little better.
They end up on the beach. It's full of people but Summer doesn't really see them. Right now, in this world, in his world, no one exists except him and Caleb.
He leads Caleb a long way down the beach until they stop at a private beach where the trees have crowded close to the edge of the sand. There is a temporary dock leading into the water. They leave their shoes on the sand next to it and walk to the end. Water laps against the sides of the dock. The sound is soothing and adds to the sleepy feeling of the afternoon.
Summer takes his phone out of his pocket and slips it into his bag. "Do you have your phone with you?"
"Um," Caleb checks his pockets before remembering he didn't bring anything with him. "I left it at the house."
