They Rely On Hope. What Do I Rely On? - Tommyinnit Adoption AU

Chapter 166

Tommy POV:

Tommy stared at Ranboo in stunned surprise for a long moment, before looking away, still unable to piece it all together. There was no way they actually cared. Dream had reminded him of that, so had XD, and 17, and even Arson in a weird way. Why would any of them care?

Even if they had cared before, he now had an ugly gaping hole in his arm, and he knew that wasn't pleasant for anyone to see. How could they even stand to be in the room with him? If Tommy could escape himself he would.

"I'm a monster, don't waste your energy on me," Tommy said, finally breaking the silence, and wishing he was able to walk away from them now, to be done so they didn't have to do it themselves.

"Tommy you're not-" Eret started, stepping forward as she did so, but Tommy interrupted her. For once Tommy was certain of something, and he wasn't going to take them down with him.

"I am Eret. I am a monster. I'm annoying, loud, frustrating. I scare people, I worry people, I make them feel sick, I get them killed. I'm a freak of nature who should have died a hundred times over but is still somehow here, and now I'm even a murderer. It doesn't get more monstrous than that."

At least that made Eret stop in his tracks, made Ranboo flinch slightly, even made the nurse pale as she looked over.

"Tommy that's-" Ranboo started, but this time someone else interrupted.

"Let me," Techno requested, his voice soft, his hands up, showing Tommy he didn't have a weapon, trying to make peace.

Tommy squirmed back in the hospital bed, wishing he could leave, but not knowing how to get out of here.

"Tommy, you're not a monster. You've been used, abused, and tossed aside by monsters, but you are not a monster. Dream is a monster. XD is a monster. The Masked Ones are monsters. You are not. If you are, where would that leave me? I was 4 when I was first forced to kill. Where would that leave Freddie, you were friends with him right? He's been forced to kill, to maim, to hurt. Hell, where would that leave Finley? Finley, the sweetest kid I've ever met, Finley who I almost died trying to save, surely you can't consider her a monster."

"No," Tommy admitted softly, "No she's not."

"We are victims Tommy. That's something fucking hard to accept, it's so easy to blame ourselves, I do it all the time, but we need to remember the truth. You need to remember the truth."

"I killed someone Techno, I didn't mean to, but I did. I killed him. I killed him and if I had been faster, I could have saved us both, but I killed him. How can I not be a monster?"

"Because as you said, you didn't mean to. You aren't a monster because you regret it. You aren't a monster because you didn't want it. You are a victim. Just like all of the kids there. We are all victims. Not monsters."

"But- but I'm a freak..."

"Why do you say that?" Techno asked, rolling his wheelchair forward and tilting his head slightly.

"My arm. How can you look at that and not see a monster?"

"Ahh," Techno sighed, his hand reaching up to his own face, fingers tracing his own scars, "Yeah, that'll do it to you. Scars... They hurt in more ways then one, especially if you can't hide them, but they don't make you a freak. They don't make you a monster."

"They said it won't close, ever. I'm going to have a hole in my arm for the rest of my life, and you're telling me I'm normal?"

"No, not normal, but none of us are. I'm certainly not, and I can safely say that Conner's energy isn't normal, but we love it. Quackity and Eret's protectiveness may not be considered normal, but we can't help how much we love it. Ranboo's ability to gage how people are feeling isn't normal, but it makes him a better person for it. Our jokes about Fundy being a furry and Sally being a Salmon aren't normal, but it's funny. Our collective obsession with Minecraft isn't normal, but it's us. We aren't normal, but that doesn't mean we're bad. You may not be normal, Tommy, but you made the entire group fall in love with you and want to protect you. Who else would inspire an entire group of teenagers to protect you at all costs, inspire Conner to risk his life in hopes of finding you? To inspire me to give myself up to the place of my nightmares to find you? No one. You are special Tommy. You are special and you matter and I care. We all care."

Tommy stared at Techno, unable to hold back the shock that was likely showing on his face. Techno talked and talked and talked and said everything Tommy needed to hear. And more then that, Techno's words seemed to have the same effect on himself. Techno seemed calmer, less broken, less... whatever it had been that weighed so heavily on his shoulders, it was fading. Techno believed his own words so completely, and that wasn't something anyone could fake.

Tommy didn't know at which point in Techno's speech that it had clicked, but now he knew. He knew why there were presents, why there was Christmas lights, why they had been so patient, why Ranboo had been so enthused over seeing Tommy awake, why any of them were still there at all. It clicked and it made so much more sense.

This was why Tubbo had insisted he return. This love he had never experienced, flowing out from Techno. All of it aimed at him, simply asking to be let in. Asking him to let them care for him. And now he had to chose what to do next.

Words: 1000

A/N: sorry for the long wait between chapters, but hopefully this one was worth it