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Two Sides Of A Coin - Detailed Feedback

Speaking of, I like their dynamic so far and I think they bounce off each other well. They have cool dialogue interactions. I like how even though Namjoon is the prestigious detective, Y/n still holds her ground. She doesn't falter in front of him (mostly) despite him being the idol. She's able to take her job seriously, and although they face setbacks and they have a long way to go both in the case and in their relationship, she's hanging in there. Considering her career path, it makes perfect sense why she's able to hold her ground and stay sassy even when speaking to her idol.

It's also a bit heartbreaking to see the gradual transition from her excitement while meeting Namjoon to the disappointment of realizing what he's actually like. I have a feeling the more I get attached to Y/n, the more my heart is going to break for her.

Overall, your creative work is impressive. As always, if I may say ;) 

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What Didn't Work:

Three things, but you know I'm an over explainer so prepare yourself-

There were times where the sentences were unnecessarily long due to added words. For example, from chap 1, "She was just wishing that she'd get her first mission so she could start her detective life, it was a dream for her, which she was partially living."

There are a few things in this sentence that caught my eye. For one, the use of passive voice with the "She was just wishing." While passive voice is fine to use, in this sentence, it makes it a bit wordy. The "just" and "that" feel unnecessary (the "that" more than the just; I'm okay with just being used for emphasis). Lastly, the missing semicolon.

Here is what the sentence would look like with the removed words: "She wished she'd get her first mission so she could start her detective life; it was a dream for her, which she was partially living."

Since "it was a dream for her" is an independent clause with a similar main idea to the previous sentence, a semicolon works better than a comma there.

Another example of a wordy sentence is, "That one sentence of his addressed to her was enough to feed her delusions." Since the sentence Namjoon said is right before this line, you can simply say, "That one sentence was enough to feed her delusions." You already established Namjoon said it and that he said it to her, so there's no need for the "...of his addressed to her." I hope that makes sense.

Semicolons: sometimes you use them in place of commas when the two aren't interchangeable. I don't mean to confuse you since I just told you to use a semicolon instead of a comma, so I will do my best to explain what I mean.

From chapter 3, "...Namjoon said; addressing her." There should be a comma, not a semicolon. "Addressing her" directly relates to the "Namjoon said" since it's describing how he's saying it, therefore it should be a comma. Right below that example, there's this, "...he said with a nod to Taemin; who took out a file and handed it to him." The semicolon should be a comma for the same reasons as before: the "who" is directly connected to Taemin since it's describing his actions.

Your word choice is pretty good but there are some areas I feel you could have tightened it. For example, in chapter 1, a little over halfway through the chapter, let's look at the paragraph that starts with, "During one of the trainee ceremonies..."

The verb "came" (lol... sorry, PJMs) is used three times in a row. I believe you only needed to use it once. For the second sentence, I would recommend either using a different verb or sticking with observe. By that I mean, the sentence would become, "Later, he observed the trainees in their training rooms" instead of "Later, he came to observe...". That's another example of some sentences having one too many words. The "he came to" can be shortened to "he observed." 

For the third sentence, there are many ways to reconstruct it, so I'll just give one example. I encourage you to play around with it!

Here's the original sentence: "He came to the one Y/n was training in, lucky for her, they were practicing shooting, her aim was her best skill. Namjoon saw her shoot the perfect shot in one attempt and praised her."

I included the second sentence for a reason. Here's a possible alternative: "Lucky (or luckily, both work here) for her, Namjoon had shown up to her shooting practice. Namjoon had watched (or another word, like witnessed) her fire the perfect shot and praised her."

I understand if that alternative doesn't appeal to you since I cut a lot out, so I encourage you to experiment!

Another example is in chapter seven, a little less than halfway through the chapter, "Y/n had lost count of the number of times Namjoon walked out quickly. They quickly walked behind the trainee department..." The same adverb (quickly) and verb (walked) are used twice in a row.

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Summary:

- Good pacing, especially with the action scenes

- Solid plot

- The themes are engaging so far

- The characters 🤭🤭🤭

- JACKSON WAAAAAAANGGGGG

- Some wordy sentences

- Some semicolon misuse

- Consider changing up some of the word choice here and there

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Overall:

Two Sides Of A Coin has a very promising start with an engaging premise, great pacing, and unique characters interacting with an equally unique theme at the center of it all. If you like mysteries and cool characters to guide you through said mysteries, then Two Sides Of A Coin is the perfect book for you!

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Thank you for submitting your story pookie wookie lemon smookie. 

Please let me know if you have any questions or would like any additional reviews. I'd do anything for you, pookie.