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The Summer of My Youth - Detailed Feedback

Like I mentioned above, choosing to gradually introduce the friend group helps the pacing since the readers get a chance to recognize who the two leads are before we move into the other characters. I also talked about the nurse's office scene between Tae and Natsuki. There are a lot of big, fun events in this story, but you don't overwhelm us with those moments because you take the time to slow down and give us quiet character moments.

Another example is chapter 16 where Natsuki doesn't want to get her clothes dirty, so Taehyung has to convince her to come with him. It's a small, quiet moment that characterizes Natsuki, and it also gives us a chance to see how they compromise, which is important to stories driven by relationships. Communication is a vital factor in how the two leads interact, so showing us how they handle problems together was interesting and also gave us down time in between the bigger, flashier events that happen throughout the story.

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What Didn't Work:

Sometimes semicolons are used incorrectly. Contrary to popular belief, semicolons and commas cannot be used interchangeably. 

From chapter 1: "Her name; Natsuki, literally means 'summer child' but to the irony of life, she wasn't really fond of the heat summer has."

With the corrected punctuation: "Her name, Natsuki, literally means 'summer child,' but to the irony of life, she wasn't really fond of the heat summer has."

It doesn't happen too often, but it is something I thought I'd bring to your attention regardless. And some of the semicolon usage is correct. I'm not saying all of the uses were incorrect, so I would recommend plugging sentences into a grammar checker if you are ever unsure.

While on the topic of punctuation, there are many times you forget to put a comma before "but" even though it is being used to connect two independent clauses. The sentence I used above is an example, but there are other examples throughout the text. Make sure when you're using a conjunction like and/but/or to connect two independent clauses, you are using a comma.

Dialogue tags are done incorrectly. If you are using a tag, the dialogue cannot end with a period, and the tag needs to be lowercase unless it is a proper noun.

For example, from chapter 3: "Don't forget to take kei with you." Her mom says.

It should be: "Don't forget to take kei with you," her mom says.

You can use any end punctuation except a period when using a tag. No matter what punctuation you use, the tag needs to be lowercase unless it is a proper noun.

In the first chapter and also later in the story, the tags are lowercase but the dialogue still ends with periods. So sometimes you do lowercase the tags. I would recommend being consistent with it and making sure the dialogue doesn't end with a period.

Examples of dialogue tags:

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Where are you!" she shouted.

"Did I miss something?" Taehyung asked.

Taehyung is the only one capitalized because it is the only proper noun.

At the same time, sometimes you take things that are not dialogue tags and lowercase them. Remember that actions are not dialogue tags. For example, "Your eggs?" she hears a laugh...

The "she hears a laugh" isn't a dialogue tag, so the "she" doesn't need to be lowercase.

While on the topic, I would suggest using less dialogue tags. There are times there are tags for almost every line, even if the conversation is only between two people. I'd recommend the 50% advice. It's not a rule, so you don't have to follow it, but it is good advice: Only 50% or less of your dialogue should have tags.