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A Love That's Beautiful - Detailed Feedback

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What Didn't Work:

There are tense issues where it flip flops between past and present tense incorrectly. The story is written in past tense, so present tense should be used very rarely, like for italicized thoughts/direct thoughts.

Dialogue tags are done incorrectly. Make sure the tag is always next to the dialogue instead of under it. So, like this: "Are you okay?" she asked.

Not:

"Are you okay?"

She asked.

While on the topic, make sure that the dialogue tag is always lowercase unless it is a proper noun. Even if the dialogue ends with ?, the tag is still lowercase because it is a continuation of the dialogue, not a new sentence. Some examples:

"I missed you," she said.

"How are you?" he asked.

"I'm here," Jungkook said.

Only Jungkook is capitalized because it is the only proper noun of the three.

While on the topic, in chapter 14, there are way too many dialogue tags. They're very unnecessary, especially when only two people are conversing. This isn't a rule you have to follow, but it is general advice that can help steer you in the right direction: only 50% or less of your dialogue should have tags. Almost every line of dialogue in that chapter has a tag, which gets a bit distracting.

Instead of tags, I'd recommend using actions, speech style, and description to show who is speaking. It's far more engaging when we're shown who is speaking instead of told through tags, which is why many authors recommend using dialogue tags for only 50% or less of your dialogue. 

This is a one-time thing since it only happens in chapter 14 and not the other chapters, so it's not a big deal, I just thought I'd bring it to your attention. I found it a bit odd that only that chapter had an overuse of dialogue tags.

There are some awkward sentences that don't sound natural. For example, also from chapter 14, "She pulled him even much closer...". The "much" isn't needed since the "even" already does what you want it to do in the sentence. The "much" makes the sentence feel awkward and longer than it needs to be. There are a few times where extra words are put in sentences that are not needed. I would suggest reading sentences out loud or plugging them into a TTS generator so you can hear how they sound when spoken.

I did like the choice to keep the story more like a poem with short and to the point sentences, but I would recommend adding more here and there. The seventh chapter especially. I would have liked to see more interactions between Jin and the female lead.

I understand you're going for a more mysterious feel, but just a few more character moments so we (the readers) can better buy their romance could be very beneficial.

By the end of the story, even though I liked the ending, I found myself wishing I knew more about them and what made them fall for each other. So I would recommend giving us a better understanding of who these two are as people and why they connect so well.

While on the topic, I know JK's a side character, but I would have liked to see a bit more from him as well. He works as the Cupid who is trying to get the female lead and Jin together, but a little more screen time for him so we can see more of their (Jin and Jungkook's) relationship could have been beneficial. I hope that makes sense.

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Summary:

- I like the choice to leave the female character unnamed

- The short chapters work for the narrative

- Very nice plot

- Jin and the female lead are fun to read about

- The message is admirable

- It's an easy read

- Some grammar issues (tense, dialogue tags, etc.)

- Chapter 14 had too many dialogue tags

- Consider adding more scenes in key moments to help characterize Jin, JK, and the female lead

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Overall:

A Love That's Beautiful follows a lovestruck Jin, and it is a short journey that will leave you feeling satisfied, especially considering it's a story you can consume in thirty minutes tops. It has a theme that can be universally consumed since it is very relatable. I would recommend this story to any fans of romance and/or to anyone looking for a cute, easy read that doesn't require much commitment.

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Thank you for submitting your story. It was a cute, fun ride that I enjoyed, and I would be interested in checking out the rest of the series in the future. Overall, I think the story is very nicely done!

Please let me know if you have any questions or if you would like any further reviews.