Always Has Been You

Thirty Two

Have him strangle me.

Fuck.

Why on earth did I want yes day on my bucket list? I was regretting telling him with every step I took.

The steaming hot coffee in my hands does warm me, I turn to look at him to see he's not even taken a sip of his either.

"You not going to drink it?" I ask curious.

A low chuckle comes from his throat. "I don't even like coffee, just wanted to see your reaction." He admits.

My eyes widen as I shove his shoulder. "You're suck a dick!"

"You can suck my di-"

He didn't finish the sentence before I'm shoving him again, I begin walking off in front of him finding a bin and throwing the nasty brown looking liquid away.

"So do you want to go on—" he cuts himself off laughing. "What's the point in asking when I can just tell you where we're going because you can't say no."

"Har har." I roll my eyes. "So what's first?"

"I'm thinking the crazy mouse first, then that gravity one and we can play some games, get some food and the final destination on our night is the ferris wheel."

"The gravity one really?" I complain.

I remember going on that one in ninth grade with my ex boyfriend and I was so fucking scared I'll fall off, I had a major panic attack and ruined the night.

"You have no choice." I swear I hear an evil chuckle.

"I'm regretting wanting a yes day as part of my bucket list." I confess.

"I'm not."

"Course you're not." I roll my eyes.

I walk next to him, observing the place as we walk towards the crazy mouse rollercoaster— I absolutely love the thrill of rollercoasters but at the same time I get petrified mainly due to my fear of heights.

How the fuck was I going to go on the ferris wheel without quite literally shitting myself?

Do they sell alcohol at carnivals? because I think maybe if I'm drunk then it wouldn't be too bad... but then the drunk anxiety will kick in and I'll go full panic mode.

Fuck.

Can't win either way so I have to just suck it up and suck his dick...

No Octavia I scowl myself.

We stand in line for the crazy mouse for almost twenty minutes, thankfully we're next in line and surprisingly enough my anxiety about doing this has calmed.

"Kiss." Axel's voice makes me jump.

"Huh?" I ask.

"I want a kiss." He says.

I give him an are you being fucking serious type of look but he clearly doesn't understand what I'm saying so instead i lean up onto my tip toes and give his lips a small peck.

When the worker calls us up to the cart Axel takes my hand and guides me into it before pushing the bar down, holding onto my hand the entire ride.

For hours we go on rides, play games— he even won me a panda doing a coin toss on a bottle, we ate at various different dessert stalls.

I told him on the way out I wanted to go to the donut stall and get freshly baked hot donuts for the ride home, he said he'd pay if he can have one— I obviously said yes because free food, plus I couldn't exactly say no.

He made me say yes to so many things, I had to place my face in a hole so he can throw pies in my face— lucky for me they all missed although I'm sure he didn't hit me on purpose.

He was also demanding kisses every once in awhile and that made my stomach explode.

Casual kisses with him were starting to become my new favourite thing.

When I had said yes to about twenty five things and when we had enough of playing games and riding the coasters we decided to head to the ferris wheel before calling it a night.

I needed to empty my bladder so badly due to the nerves, being up high knowing there's no way down made me feel a little sick

I did my business and after I was done washing my hands I made my way outside and found myself waiting for Axel who also decided to go to the toilet.

As I'm about to pull out my phone to pass some time, a hand clasps itself over my mouth and pulls me back into a dark corner.

My eyes widen and about a thousand scenarios play out in my head until I look down at the hand and notice Axel's tattoos causing myself to relax.

I grab hold of his hand and push it off my mouth. "What the fuck?" I shout at him.

"Look."

All he does is point in front of us to the right a little and my eyes widen when I see Nina and Hunter standing by the hot dog stand.

"Oh fuck." I whisper. "Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck-"

"How many times do you want to say fuck?" He laughs.

"Fuck!" I sigh running a hand down my face in frustration. "This is bad, real fucking bad."

"No, this is fun." He grins.

"Fun?!" I shout. "How is Nina and Hunter being here fun Alex? What if they see us? Oh my god I'm not ready for people to find out."

"You ashamed of me?" He asks in a serious tone but I can see a sparkle of amusement in his eyes.

"No." I honestly admit as I find myself grabbing his hand and playing with the ring on his fingers. "I just like that it's private, you and me you know? I like how people don't know. I like having you to myself— it's selfish I know bu-"

His hands find their way onto my cheeks as he stares deeply into my eyes, an emotion I've never seen before crossing his face.

"It's not selfish." He says. "I feel the same way, I like the privacy and I love that people don't know about us— whatever this is, I don't want it to be ruined... to end because someone finds out and doesn't like it."

I find myself smiling and leaning forward pressing a small peck onto his lips.

"What do we do?" I ask.

"We go out there, enjoy the rest of our evening and if we see them we turn the other direction ok?"

"Ok."

"Ok good." He smiles placing a kiss on my forehead, he takes my hand in his and interlocks our fingers before dragging us out of the dark corner.

I see Nina and Hunter sit down with their back towards us, so I hold onto Axel's hand tighter dragging him to the other end of the carnival to our final destination for the evening... the ferris wheel.